286 Marbles
I have a gas stove in the house where I live and tonight when I was cooking dinner for my kids, the flame must have gone out when it was on low. When I went to turn it up, the gas started pouring out into the kitchen. I almost went to relight it when I thought, “Bad idea.” I left the kitchen until the gas dissipated and I could go back and safely relight the flame.
Funny thing is, as I was sitting in my bedroom away from the gas fumes, I wondered, “How come you didn’t have that simple skill of knowing when something was going to ignite when you were with Ex-man?” It’s not like I couldn’t “smell the gas” when things got heated between us, yet somehow I thought it perfectly normal to continue engaging in an incendiary manner with him until things became explosive. I’m not suggesting that he was the explosive one (I’ve already admitted the contrary) yet he had his own internal combustion going on, more like subterranean volcanic magma. I always knew the tension was there but it was more dormant and he rarely exploded.
One aspect of my Earth and Ocean Science course I took last term that intrigued me was why the areas under dormant volcanoes are usually so heavily populated. The primary reason is that the soils are fertile for growing things. As I look back on my somewhat incendiary and sometimes explosive connection with Ex-man, I note that it was also fertile ground for growth. My only hope is that in my next connection there will be a little less fire and a little more fun.
If you look back on your relationship with your ex, are there elements of your dynamic that you'd like to leave behind? Are there new aspects that you'd like to explore in your next relationship? Can you be open to those aspects now while you are with yourself?
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