Sitting in Sadness

292 Marbles
When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn’t a sign that they “don’t understand” one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
Helen Rowland

    Today I had t o talk to Ex-man re:soccer pick-ups and drop-offs.  At one point he said my name and at that moment, I knew that he loved me in a deep and abiding way. We have loved each other and been together and we’re not together anymore and although there has been the recognition that we are not compatible as life partners, the love is still there. 
    I felt incredibly sad for myself.  I felt incredibly sad for our children.  I felt an invisible leg-hold trap contracting my heart.  The most challenging thing when I’m sad is to disconnect from all the stories around why I feel the way I do, and just stay in the feeling. When I got off the phone, I had a good cry.  After a few minutes of sitting in sadness, I said the serenity prayer:
    God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    Courage to change the things I can
    And wisdom to know the difference.   

    The reality is that I can’t wallow in my sadness often - I have to keep things together for myself, I have to keep things together for my kids, I have schoolwork that needs doing and a job that I need to pay the bills.  Yet when I allowed myself to sit in the sadness and have the release with my tears, I felt lightness coming into my being again.  The leg hold trap loosens its grip on my heart and I feel more open and able to go back into my life feeling more present. And I let go of the need of having the love that I sense is still there expressed in one particular formula.  

Can you experiment with what it would look like to still care for/love your ex and not be with him/her?  In our limited reality, there are often these two formulas: loving & being together and hating & being apart.  Could you create a new formula that suits the two of you?