303 Marbles
If you have much, give of your wealth; If you have little, give of your heart.Arab Proverb
“This is the year of heart gifts,” I tell my friends. What I don’t tell them is that my cash flow could be better and the heart gifts are a necessity. A heart gift is the type of gift I made loved ones in elementary school when the piggy bank held only pennies but the love ranneth over. So, I’m reapplying this practice and I’m marking birthdays with pampering manicures or pedicures (I give a mean French manicure) all wrapped in lots of heart.
It all seems good in theory but today my friend Fay arrived from out of town for a visit. Her birthday got muddled in with Ex-man’s move out week so it was marked with a birthday song on her answering machine. I let myself off the hook because I clearly couldn’t package my personal manicure and send it to her but today I aimed to celebrate her birthday. I picked her up from the airport and brought her home to my freshly squeezed OJ with some bubbly then I set to work on her nails. In the middle of her hand massage she jested, “Will you marry me?” Ha, everyone needs a good wife – part personal assistant, part housekeeper, part bartender/chef, part massage therapist and beauty consultant.
Mid-manicure, I noticed her new purse and commented on it. She told me the story of how she would frequently go into her favourite department store and ogle the $500 purse that she felt too thrifty to buy. Before her birthday, a friend of hers went in and asked the sales associates what Fay would really like. They both pointed at the purse, so the friend bought it. My immediate response was to marvel at what an excellent magnet she had become, but my verbal response was, “Some friends get you $500 purses, some give you a manicure.” She looked at me, even I was embarrassed by my shame - I was that little kid bringing my sparkly macaroni-shell necklace home to my Mom when I knew that there was real jewelry to be had in the stores. “And those are the friends who are important,” Fay answered.
It all seems good in theory but today my friend Fay arrived from out of town for a visit. Her birthday got muddled in with Ex-man’s move out week so it was marked with a birthday song on her answering machine. I let myself off the hook because I clearly couldn’t package my personal manicure and send it to her but today I aimed to celebrate her birthday. I picked her up from the airport and brought her home to my freshly squeezed OJ with some bubbly then I set to work on her nails. In the middle of her hand massage she jested, “Will you marry me?” Ha, everyone needs a good wife – part personal assistant, part housekeeper, part bartender/chef, part massage therapist and beauty consultant.
Mid-manicure, I noticed her new purse and commented on it. She told me the story of how she would frequently go into her favourite department store and ogle the $500 purse that she felt too thrifty to buy. Before her birthday, a friend of hers went in and asked the sales associates what Fay would really like. They both pointed at the purse, so the friend bought it. My immediate response was to marvel at what an excellent magnet she had become, but my verbal response was, “Some friends get you $500 purses, some give you a manicure.” She looked at me, even I was embarrassed by my shame - I was that little kid bringing my sparkly macaroni-shell necklace home to my Mom when I knew that there was real jewelry to be had in the stores. “And those are the friends who are important,” Fay answered.
She may be right, but the real question remains – just when will I feel what I have to give is good enough? If I could only truly take in what Kahlil Gibran wrote in The Prophet,"You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give."
A breakup affects the status quo rippling into many areas of life. Can you make peace with the adjustments you have to make to live in your new normal? If needed, can you work towards changes to improve your situation?
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