280 Marbles
Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation…The other eight are unimportant.
Henry Miller, "Big Sur and the Oranges of Hieronymus Bosch"
Instruction in sex is as important as instruction in food; yet not only are our adolescents not taught the physiology of sex, but never warned that the strongest sexual attraction may exist between persons so incompatible in tastes and capacities that they could not endure living together for a week much less a lifetime.
George Bernard Shaw
It must be Spring – the celibacy thing is becoming a physical and mental challenge. Anatole France wrote, “Of all the sexual aberrations, chastity is the strangest.” As the air gets warmer, and the layers of winter clothing start revealing flesh in all shades and shapes, I’m tending to agree with old Anatole. Yet I know my chastity oath is meant to be a short-term goal and method for breaking old cycles so I remain intent. Yet seeing as I can’t engage in sex, I can at least think about it...
One of my recent realizations has come from my relationship with Ex-man who taught me not to confuse sexual compatibility with compatibility. This seems so straightforward – a no brainer - but somehow I would always get snagged on it. I’d believe, “If the sexual connection is so good and if I can feel my heart open to him while we’re together in bed, then it must mean something.” It did. It meant that my heart was open to him erotically but not emotionally in our everyday life. If we could have lived our lives in bed, ours would have been a happy, even blissful union.
I hope that my daughter learns this lesson easier than I did. Somehow I think she will. I remember one night after Ex-man said he was moving out - I was in the bedroom having a wee cry after I tucked my kids in bed. My daughter came down into my bedroom and asked what was wrong. I told her I was sad. She curled up next to me and I said , “Don’t worry, it’s normal that I’m sad. Everything is going to be okay. “ She asked me, “Why are you sad?” I answered, “I’m just sad about Daddy and me. We’re not a good combo platter. We don’t go well together.” She looked me in the eyes and took her little finger and tapped my forehead, “Took you long enough. I realized that when I was seven.” She smiled at me and I laughed. Smart girl. She’ll be okay.
Have you ever mistaken sexual compatibility for compatibility? Have you ever tried to force sexual compatibility when it just wasn’t there? I know in my next relationship, I’d like to be with someone with whom I have an emotional, intellectual, and sexual connection. I have a friend who claims that I'd be better off searching for a unicorn but I refuse to believe that this type of relationship isn't possible for me.
Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation…The other eight are unimportant.
Henry Miller, "Big Sur and the Oranges of Hieronymus Bosch"
Instruction in sex is as important as instruction in food; yet not only are our adolescents not taught the physiology of sex, but never warned that the strongest sexual attraction may exist between persons so incompatible in tastes and capacities that they could not endure living together for a week much less a lifetime.
George Bernard Shaw
It must be Spring – the celibacy thing is becoming a physical and mental challenge. Anatole France wrote, “Of all the sexual aberrations, chastity is the strangest.” As the air gets warmer, and the layers of winter clothing start revealing flesh in all shades and shapes, I’m tending to agree with old Anatole. Yet I know my chastity oath is meant to be a short-term goal and method for breaking old cycles so I remain intent. Yet seeing as I can’t engage in sex, I can at least think about it...
One of my recent realizations has come from my relationship with Ex-man who taught me not to confuse sexual compatibility with compatibility. This seems so straightforward – a no brainer - but somehow I would always get snagged on it. I’d believe, “If the sexual connection is so good and if I can feel my heart open to him while we’re together in bed, then it must mean something.” It did. It meant that my heart was open to him erotically but not emotionally in our everyday life. If we could have lived our lives in bed, ours would have been a happy, even blissful union.
I hope that my daughter learns this lesson easier than I did. Somehow I think she will. I remember one night after Ex-man said he was moving out - I was in the bedroom having a wee cry after I tucked my kids in bed. My daughter came down into my bedroom and asked what was wrong. I told her I was sad. She curled up next to me and I said , “Don’t worry, it’s normal that I’m sad. Everything is going to be okay. “ She asked me, “Why are you sad?” I answered, “I’m just sad about Daddy and me. We’re not a good combo platter. We don’t go well together.” She looked me in the eyes and took her little finger and tapped my forehead, “Took you long enough. I realized that when I was seven.” She smiled at me and I laughed. Smart girl. She’ll be okay.
Have you ever mistaken sexual compatibility for compatibility? Have you ever tried to force sexual compatibility when it just wasn’t there? I know in my next relationship, I’d like to be with someone with whom I have an emotional, intellectual, and sexual connection. I have a friend who claims that I'd be better off searching for a unicorn but I refuse to believe that this type of relationship isn't possible for me.
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