Gap Disease

284 Marbles
One always begins to forgive a place as soon as it's left behind.
Charles Dickens

    I am in the throes of the Gap Disease – the chasm between my sentimental memory of Ex-man and the reality of what it was like to be with him.  Once the anger, sadness, or regret has past (or at least lessened), I go into a feverous delirium where I can remember only the kind things, the sweet times, the good sex, and the love.  Gap Disease has many symptoms including the lure of sex with the ex, which is now reaching dangerous levels for me (believe it or not). 
    I don’t really have a cure for this disease, but a few ways to manage the symptoms could include:

• Seeing him – this may be enough of a cure (like a bathtub filled with ice cubes when you have a fever)

• Engaging in a good fight - as a reminder of why it doesn’t work

• Picturing him with a new mate – enough to make me angry and a good temporary cure

    One of the most dangerous symptoms of Gap Disease is its ability to attack your Internal Judgment Center: The disease can make you second-guess the choice to be apart.  If there’s been infidelity or an acrimonious divorce, consider yourself lucky as, in an odd way, those events often permanently inoculate against Gap Disease. 
    For me, I can only wait for the delirium to pass.  In the meantime I work on release.  I write . . .
Dear Ex-man,
I will miss … your whistling, your piano playing, your sweet voice, your shoulders, dancing with you (the one time when you led and I followed without contention), your sparkling green eyes, the way you gave your body, the perfect fit. 
You are loveable and you will be missed.  Godspeed. 
Xo,
Me

Are there parts of you that are still holding on to your X?  Even if the breakup was acrimonious, can you remember the good things about him/her and write a letter stating what you will miss?