279 Marbles
Today I had proof that I have many marbles to go. I went to my email and found a message meant for Ex-man. It was an invitation for Ex-man and the kids from his sister (who sent it to my address by mistake) to a family celebration for Mother’s Day.
Now, logically I knew that it was an honest mistake and she wasn’t trying to be hurtful or exclusionary, but I still felt a bit sad that I’d be the mother absent at their celebration. These are the type of unresolved feelings that, if I didn’t have 279 more marbles to go, I would carry into a new relationship.
Thankfully my logical mind was able to respond to the email in a short, polite exchange of information about Ex-man’s new email address but the heartburn lingers. It represents the loss – the loss of family and connections. In 279 Marbles, I hope that running into Ex-man’s family or getting a mistaken email will generate a neutral reading on my litmus paper heart.
I used to have and Ex who claimed that only “Time & Distance” healed the heartburn of a breakup. Unfortunately or not, the distance element can’t usually be part of a breakup when there are shared children. My equation has become, “Time + Marbles” and I’m hoping that when the last marble drops, my life will be less about surviving a breakup and more about rebuilding a life of my choosing for me and my kids. I paraphrase Robert Frost when I say, "The woods are lovely, dark and deep/ But I have promises to keep/ And marbles to go before I sleep/ Marbles to go before I sleep."
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