341 Marbles
The grace with which we leave a relationship is just as important as the optimism in which we enter one. I have an ex-husband who, when we mutually decided to part ways, told me, "Lisa, you'll be okay when you realize there is nothing wrong with you." At the time I thought, "Ha -he's crazy - he obviously can't see my numerous flaws." Now I know that he saw all of me, but he accepted all of me as well.
In the other part of our exit interview, he said, "You are family to me." We made an agreement to always be able to lift a glass of goodwill and toast our son on his birthday. This wasn't just a commitment to the physical "Cheers" but more an oath to remain in good standing with each other. As the years have past, and he has remarried and had a son, and I had two children with Ex-man, I am proud to say that we have kept this promise. This would not have been possible without the cooperation of our new families and our ability to respect the connections that each of us had made. In other words, we are all conscious not to step on each others' toes and it is our son and our extended families that benefit from this.
I don't regret parting ways with my ex-husband, but I used to wonder why I did. I've come to the conclusion that his type of love was like a shoe that didn't quite fit - like the stepsister trying to fit into the glass slipper. My spirit wanted it to so badly, but in reality, it just didn't feel right - not like the spiky love I had known growing up. Enter Ex-man. He was a perfect fit and he, being just as good a friend as my ex-husband, helped me bring light to all my dark places. Not surprisingly, the exit interviews with Ex-man haven't always been as smooth-sailing, but neither was our connection. Yet without him, I would not be doing the clean-up that I need to do in order to get back to a healthier love. Without him, I would not be working towards wholeness.
Could you be conscious of the exit interviews between you and your ex? If there are children involved, could you set some ground rules for dealing with disagreements so that the kids don't have the added stress of the breakup and continued conflict between their parents?
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