Clearing Space

365 Marbles 

A thousand mile journey begins with the first marble...

    I go to a movie with my kids so that we're not around as Ex-man moves his furniture out with his friends.  Yes, it’s still pretty clear which is his furniture and which is mine as we didn’t build much together materially.  In this way the split is simple, and he leaves us the pieces of his furniture that won’t fit into his new place.
     When I arrive home, all I see are the empty spaces (and the dust bunnies).  I put my kids to bed; my daughter is sad but, thankfully, sleep comes swiftly. 
    I check the messages.  Ex-man decides to stay at his new place over night.  Oddly, I’m slightly pissed off that he moves out a day earlier than scheduled, but in the whole scheme of things, nine months later than anticipated. 
    I stay up late, rearranging the furniture, cleaning up the corners.  I put on music.  I rearrange pictures.  I don’t want the kids to wake up and notice the gaps. 
    I focus on repositioning, my intuitive Feng shui.  I practice my own smudging ceremony, minus the burning sage.  I bag things to give away, I resurrect items from storage and put them where I want them.  I do a bit of psychic peeing in the corners. 
    I see things with different eyes.  I note future projects I want to tackle like repainting the coffee table legs.  I look at the furniture that I eventually want to discard.  I envision my home as a soft place for me, a soft place for my kids. 
    At 3:30 a.m. when I finally go to bed, my sheets are cold and damp.  I warm a Magic Bag in the microwave and curl up under my duvet.  He was my furnace, among other things.  I feel alone, but only slightly lonely.  
    I remember to breathe. 

Think of the home you’d like to create for yourself (and your family if you have one).  What would you like to add to your space?  What would you like to keep?  What needs to go?
When you’re feeling up to it, consider collecting ideas for the space that would represent who you are.  You can make a collage of photos and drawings.
You don’t need to wait for a partner to have the home of your dreams.

PS If you landed here first, I recommend reading the "Preface," "The 365 Marble Commitment," and "Dear Reader" pages first.