358 Marbles
Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love.
Jane Austen
“Let me know if there is anything I can do to help,” is a common phrase from friends during a breakup. My general reaction is to smile, say thanks, and quickly dismiss any request that would make me feel more vulnerable than I already do. I prefer to lick my wounds in private, hoping my status as an amputee isn’t too obvious to the general public.
Today, I tried a different approach. When my friend Melissa asked me if she could help, I asked her to give me a weekly connection call, to prevent me from feeling isolated. It’s not a therapy call, but a check-in to see how I’m keeping up with school and my writing goals. I’ve also scheduled my Swiss-German friend, Lisa P, to help me revision and organize my kitchen – she’s really good at these things. I’m trying to soothe my independent self into the realization that asking for help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength. I’m not completely sure that this is true, but stay tuned . . .
Are you too afraid to ask friends/family for help even when they offer? Does it feel that they won’t be able to fill the void that, at the moment, feels somewhat bottomless? Decide if there are things with which you are comfortable receiving help.
On the flip side, do you lean on others too much? Is it time to strengthen the muscles in your own two legs?
It’s no one's job to save you but friends and family can be great cheering squads when you’re trying to make it to the shore after a breakup. Find the balance between independence and interdependence.
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