. . . Another one opens” – to which my friend Lisa P always adds, “But it sure is hell in the hallway.”
Breakups are a type of door-slamming and I feel like I'm stuck as hall monitor for 343 more days. Sure it would be easy to open one of those mystery doors that lead into another relationship. Some of those doors have peep holes and the rooms look like lots of fun, but let’s face it, I’m not ready to face someone else’s inevitable dirty closets quite yet. I’m still working on clearing out mine.
A new guy named Ben started at work recently. He reminds me of my older brother Louis whom I've adopted along the way (he has the same intense energy all bound up in a body of muscle), he makes me laugh (he's part of an improv troupe), and best of all, he's gay. Completely safe.
It’s funny how seemingly random connections are but,
"Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, he walks into
mine." I knew that we would be steadfast friends not only because he
makes my spirit feel lighter but because he told me his story and in it I
saw a kindred soul, another seeker who sees what is below the surface.
My new friend is completely sober and has been for almost two
years. He (like my adopted brother-friend) lost a sister and went into a
tailspin of depression. He started using drugs and
one night (after a manic episode where he walked around town with glass
in his shoes not bothering to care) he had a moment of clarity and
checked himself into rehab. He hasn’t used or imbibed a drop since.
I loved him from the moment he shared that story with me. He is a
fellow traveler, a metaphor boy. His story makes me ask myself, "What
shards of glass are cutting my feet as I walk along?" Maybe this year is
all about unpacking the fragments from my shoes so I can walk more
freely.
What I know about Ben is that he’s exactly the friend that I need right now - a court jester who creates lightness and joy in my life, a man to spend time with on a purely platonic basis. Suddenly the hallway doesn’t seem so hellish. As Alexander Graham Bell said, “When one door closes another opens. But we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we fail to see the one that has opened for us.” What I know for sure is that Ben has created an opening in my life. If you're suffering from post-breakup contraction, could you ask for people who will expand your life? Learn to recognize those people when they pass you in the hallway.
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