The Four Kingdoms

Marble 18  

     I was recently reading the book, The Thought That Changed My Life Forever, when I came across a section that describes Rev. Michael Beckwith's theory of the four levels of consciousness from which we live our lives: 

1. In “To Me” Consciousness - I am powerless, God (or whatever) is outside of me doing things to me. This is victim consciousness.
2. In “By Me” Consciousness: I'm leaving victimhood behind, as well as shame, blame and guilt. This is like a beginning stage of consciousness. We are beginning to claim and use our power.
3. In “Through Me” Consciousness: Spirit is in my life, guiding me and directing me and working through me.
4. In “As Me” Consciousness: I am one with Spirit, using It as a tool in my life, as It uses me.

    When I apply this idea to the last marble year, I note that when “Ex-man first broke up with me” I was operating from “To Me” consciousness. He did that to me “two months after my father died, when I had three kids to support and was in school.” A victim story if I ever heard one. What it lacks is owning the places where my actions had also led to the breakup. This isn’t coming from a place of guilt but from a knowing that we both created a relationship that couldn’t be sustained and neither of us had the tools to transform it into what we did want (yep, we did try counseling).
    When I picked up that first marble, 347 marbles ago, I was shifting into “By Me” consciousness and the marbles in between have been aiding me in letting go of the shame, blame, and guilt. More and more, I feel the everyday miracles of spirit working through me, directing me through my intuition. It's still sometimes challenging, when things don't go the way that I'd like them to, to see spirit even in those moments. I'm working on that. 
    And I may need a few more marbles to experience "As Me" consciousness.

From which kingdom do you live your life? What would it take to move into the next kingdom?