I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

22 Marbles
I have climbed highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you
I have run
I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
U2

     I feel a certain simpatico with the U2 lyrics relating that which is sought after, still hasn’t been found.  At Marble 22 am I where I’d like to be? Not exactly, but I am in a better place than I was 342 Marbles ago.
     This is what I have found, as these marbles have dwindled:

• A strength within me that I didn’t know existed. 

• I have reversed the family legacy of single parenthood leading to poverty and     victimization (Marble 300)

• I have healed the little girl that thought that being without her daddy or a man to support her and her family would lead to doom (Marble 221)

• I have followed the path of creativity and I have managed to support my family while doing so. 

• I have claimed my voice and in doing so, subverted the childhood belief that I didn't have one (Marble 222)

• I have broken the habit of being a serial monogamist and have become aware that being alone doesn’t have to equate to being lonely 

• I have found a soft place to fall within myself.

     There’s a saying that goes, “It’s not a good idea to enter your mind without adult supervision.”  Yet despite managing to first survive and then thrive a breakup without the supervision of a therapist, on good days these blank marbles have been a bridge to my own inner wise woman. Yes, Ex-man can still trigger me way too easily but, marble by marble, I am stumbling towards equanimity. 
     And it’s not ever about finding what I’m looking for outside of myself for as George Bernard Shaw wrote, “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”

What have you discovered since your breakup?