151 Marbles
“…How did you find peace? I took away your parents, everything, I scarred you for life.”
“See that’s the thing, Shen, scars heal.”
“No they don’t. Wounds heal.”
“Oh yeah. What do scars do? They fade, I guess.”
“I don’t care what scars do.”
You should, Shen, you gotta let go of that stuff from the past cuz it just doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is what you choose to be now.”
Kung Fu Panda 2
I met an amazing woman and new friend for coffee yesterday. She is successful in her field and has been in a loving relationship for thirteen years. What I noticed as she was pulling out her stories is that, despite her being in a very different place than where she came from, she still clung to her stories like they were an essential part of the fabric of who she is now. Perhaps the accepted sentiment is that we have to know the paths someone has trodden to truly know who they are, but I question if holding onto those (survival/victim/orphan/fill-in-the-blank) stories isn’t what sometimes holds us back? Are the old stories part of the scaffolding in the mind that Steve Jobs was talking about in yesterday’s marble? The grooves that we get stuck in?
After my meeting with that lovely woman yesterday, I was so grateful to her for holding up a mirror for me. I saw in her what I do myself - I hold onto the stories of my crazy family and Ex-man despite the stories having nothing to do with who I am now and where I stand. They are survival/victim stories, but do I really need them anymore? I chose Ex-man because he was familiar - and it’s not coincidental that the root of the word family is in this word that means “Often encountered or seen; having fair knowledge; acquainted.” Together Ex-man and I created something that was not dissimilar from what I had known from my family, but now that chapter is clearly over, what else is possible?
As I was taking the bus into work yesterday, I was feeling such gratitude for the woman whom I met, the woman who held up a mirror to my tendency to cling to stories and create a rigid scaffolding of who I am in this world. I was appreciating how sometimes we learn about ourselves by looking at other people. As I was ruminating, a song that I loved when I was thirteen came on my iPod. As I listened to the song, I remembered the girl who I was and it was über clear that I am no longer in the same place that I was when I listened to that song as a child. So much has changed and I feel like I’m in a good place heading in the right direction. What would it take to shed the sad stories?
What would it take to destroy the old stories and create something completely new? Can you let go of the stories that no longer serve you?
“…How did you find peace? I took away your parents, everything, I scarred you for life.”
“See that’s the thing, Shen, scars heal.”
“No they don’t. Wounds heal.”
“Oh yeah. What do scars do? They fade, I guess.”
“I don’t care what scars do.”
You should, Shen, you gotta let go of that stuff from the past cuz it just doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is what you choose to be now.”
Kung Fu Panda 2
I met an amazing woman and new friend for coffee yesterday. She is successful in her field and has been in a loving relationship for thirteen years. What I noticed as she was pulling out her stories is that, despite her being in a very different place than where she came from, she still clung to her stories like they were an essential part of the fabric of who she is now. Perhaps the accepted sentiment is that we have to know the paths someone has trodden to truly know who they are, but I question if holding onto those (survival/victim/orphan/fill-in-the-blank) stories isn’t what sometimes holds us back? Are the old stories part of the scaffolding in the mind that Steve Jobs was talking about in yesterday’s marble? The grooves that we get stuck in?
After my meeting with that lovely woman yesterday, I was so grateful to her for holding up a mirror for me. I saw in her what I do myself - I hold onto the stories of my crazy family and Ex-man despite the stories having nothing to do with who I am now and where I stand. They are survival/victim stories, but do I really need them anymore? I chose Ex-man because he was familiar - and it’s not coincidental that the root of the word family is in this word that means “Often encountered or seen; having fair knowledge; acquainted.” Together Ex-man and I created something that was not dissimilar from what I had known from my family, but now that chapter is clearly over, what else is possible?
As I was taking the bus into work yesterday, I was feeling such gratitude for the woman whom I met, the woman who held up a mirror to my tendency to cling to stories and create a rigid scaffolding of who I am in this world. I was appreciating how sometimes we learn about ourselves by looking at other people. As I was ruminating, a song that I loved when I was thirteen came on my iPod. As I listened to the song, I remembered the girl who I was and it was über clear that I am no longer in the same place that I was when I listened to that song as a child. So much has changed and I feel like I’m in a good place heading in the right direction. What would it take to shed the sad stories?
What would it take to destroy the old stories and create something completely new? Can you let go of the stories that no longer serve you?
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