130 Marbles
A girl must marry for love and keep on marrying until she finds it.
A girl must marry for love and keep on marrying until she finds it.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
I'm a very committed wife. And I should be committed too - for being married so many times.
Elizabeth Taylor
I am reading a biography about Elizabeth Taylor. When I was growing up, Liz Taylor was thought to be a man-eater with her eight marriages. In our Catholic home, one divorce wasn’t acceptable but several was considered a one way ticket to hell. I remember not really knowing who she was, but having the impression that she couldn’t be tamed. Charles Manson had been convicted as a serial killer but Liz was only slightly less culpable of serial matrimony in the skewed framework of the times.
Years later as I read her story, she doesn’t seem wild at all. She was born in a time when you fell in love and got married. She worked in an environment where the Hollywood studios promoted marriage (even for homosexuals). She lived a long life, had a fiery personality, and probably wasn’t too well suited to being a “good wife.” Perhaps if she were born today, those men in her life would have been a long line of affairs but we are shaped by myriad factors including the times we live in, the families we are born into, the jobs we do, our kitbags, etc.
My niece gave me the book because she said that I have the “same rare combination of grace, style & fire.” Coincidentally, I haven’t always been the best wife or partner. When I look back, I count three important relationships in my life and whereas I didn’t wed both of the men and the one woman, I did live with each in a committed relationship. I wonder what my little-girl-self would think of the relationships that I’ve had? I’m pretty sure in her innocence, she would have been shocked.
So how to bridge the gap between what my little-girl-self would find surprising and what my grown-woman-self sees as her history? Well, I tell my little-girl-self that I have loved each of the people that I’ve been with, I have learned a lot and grown with each relationship, and I have left each relationship on good terms. And despite my desire to be with my childhood sweetheart (Ex-man), it clearly didn’t work out. So maybe I’m more like Liz than I thought I’d be when I was growing up, yet that’s not as bad as I thought it would be.
I'm a very committed wife. And I should be committed too - for being married so many times.
Elizabeth Taylor
I am reading a biography about Elizabeth Taylor. When I was growing up, Liz Taylor was thought to be a man-eater with her eight marriages. In our Catholic home, one divorce wasn’t acceptable but several was considered a one way ticket to hell. I remember not really knowing who she was, but having the impression that she couldn’t be tamed. Charles Manson had been convicted as a serial killer but Liz was only slightly less culpable of serial matrimony in the skewed framework of the times.
Years later as I read her story, she doesn’t seem wild at all. She was born in a time when you fell in love and got married. She worked in an environment where the Hollywood studios promoted marriage (even for homosexuals). She lived a long life, had a fiery personality, and probably wasn’t too well suited to being a “good wife.” Perhaps if she were born today, those men in her life would have been a long line of affairs but we are shaped by myriad factors including the times we live in, the families we are born into, the jobs we do, our kitbags, etc.
My niece gave me the book because she said that I have the “same rare combination of grace, style & fire.” Coincidentally, I haven’t always been the best wife or partner. When I look back, I count three important relationships in my life and whereas I didn’t wed both of the men and the one woman, I did live with each in a committed relationship. I wonder what my little-girl-self would think of the relationships that I’ve had? I’m pretty sure in her innocence, she would have been shocked.
So how to bridge the gap between what my little-girl-self would find surprising and what my grown-woman-self sees as her history? Well, I tell my little-girl-self that I have loved each of the people that I’ve been with, I have learned a lot and grown with each relationship, and I have left each relationship on good terms. And despite my desire to be with my childhood sweetheart (Ex-man), it clearly didn’t work out. So maybe I’m more like Liz than I thought I’d be when I was growing up, yet that’s not as bad as I thought it would be.
What would your little-child-self think about the adult you've become? Was your breakup a wild card thrown into your deck? How can you use that wild card to your advantage and allow your life to become more expansive?
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