There’s Nothing of Value That He Can Take from Me

224 Marbles 

    When I look back now at my concern over Ex-man coming and “plucking” the various things from my home (Marbles 349 & 273), I think, “I should have just let him have the darn lamps.”  The truth is that there is nothing of value that he can take from me.  All those possessions (e.g. the music, the picture frames, the friggen’ lamps) all of those are things that I can acquire again if I so choose.  Their meaning comes from the sentimental value that I associated with them.  All the things of real value he cannot take from me (the privilege and right to be mother to our children, my self-respect, my inner resources, my ability to love, my freedom to create a future of my own choosing, etc.) all of these are mine for the keeping.  Yippee!
    So why did I place so much importance on the lamps?  Well, for a number of reasons.  Firstly, I didn’t feel that he was respecting my boundaries at a time when I was conscious of establishing separate boundaries from him.  Secondly, the time around the breakup felt like a death in which my energy contracted.  It is challenging to be magnanimous in those circumstances.  I have experienced other breakups that didn’t plunge me into every-man-for-himself, scarcity mode, but this wasn’t one of them. 
    The things of value that died with our relationship included my dream of a family unit (whatever that means), our potential as a couple, our intimate moments, and a connection to our shared history.  These are the things that I mourn.  I am in the process of letting go of these and that’s what these marbles are all about.  In this process, it helps me to repeat my new mantra: There’s nothing of value that he can take from me. 

Can you make a list of all the things that didn’t die when your relationship ended?  Were there things that were born when your relationship died (e.g. The freedom to choose and create your own future)?  When you weigh these things in, how important are the shared possessions?