244 Marbles
Most critical is the resolution of the orphan dilemma, which allows Magicians to trust and submit to a power greater than themselves saying, “Thy will be done.”
Carol S. Pearson “The Hero’s Journey”
Losing a parent is mostly inevitable but not easy. After mine died, I was sad and feeling quite alone and Ex-man’s independent nature was difficult for me to take. I’d phone him when I was having a bad moment, and he wouldn’t answer his phone. This was particularly difficult for me because I remembered when we first got together and how there was never one of my calls that he would miss. I tried to be clear with him, expressing my needs, telling him that it would be great if he could just check his phone every once in a while to see if I had called, or better yet, call me to check in to see how I was doing - once a day - that’s it. Or maybe he could call to see if there was anything I needed. He couldn’t.
The situation was worsened because I had an expectation surrounding my parent’s death. I had once heard someone say that he never really bought into his marriage until his wife’s parent died. When I heard this, I thought to myself, this is what will happen with my relationship too. We may not gel now, but when I am alone, there is no way that we won’t take each other in and become a real couple. I felt like Pinocchio but with a wooden relationship, thinking that the death of my parents would make my relationship real. It didn’t, and Ex-man (who had a knack for sniffing out expectations and running the other way) became more distant rather than closer.
Perhaps he felt like he would be crushed by an avalanche of my needs, but he needn’t have worried about that. I’m normally a pretty high functioning individual. I was just going through a rough patch. I remember having a moment with him at that time. He told me that he didn’t need me. He didn’t need anything from me. He didn’t need me. I remember crying, “But I need. I need.” I was beside myself trying to procure a drink of water from a rock. It was crazy making.
In hindsight, maybe I was expecting too much. Maybe the grief I felt from the loss of my parent was too overwhelming for him. He who was given up for adoption and put in foster care for the first year and a half of his life. He who may never really have processed what the loss of his birth mother meant to him. I was trying to lean on the wrong person. And maybe empathy was never built into our relationship.
What would it take for you to let go of all the disappointed moments with X?
Most critical is the resolution of the orphan dilemma, which allows Magicians to trust and submit to a power greater than themselves saying, “Thy will be done.”
Carol S. Pearson “The Hero’s Journey”
Losing a parent is mostly inevitable but not easy. After mine died, I was sad and feeling quite alone and Ex-man’s independent nature was difficult for me to take. I’d phone him when I was having a bad moment, and he wouldn’t answer his phone. This was particularly difficult for me because I remembered when we first got together and how there was never one of my calls that he would miss. I tried to be clear with him, expressing my needs, telling him that it would be great if he could just check his phone every once in a while to see if I had called, or better yet, call me to check in to see how I was doing - once a day - that’s it. Or maybe he could call to see if there was anything I needed. He couldn’t.
The situation was worsened because I had an expectation surrounding my parent’s death. I had once heard someone say that he never really bought into his marriage until his wife’s parent died. When I heard this, I thought to myself, this is what will happen with my relationship too. We may not gel now, but when I am alone, there is no way that we won’t take each other in and become a real couple. I felt like Pinocchio but with a wooden relationship, thinking that the death of my parents would make my relationship real. It didn’t, and Ex-man (who had a knack for sniffing out expectations and running the other way) became more distant rather than closer.
Perhaps he felt like he would be crushed by an avalanche of my needs, but he needn’t have worried about that. I’m normally a pretty high functioning individual. I was just going through a rough patch. I remember having a moment with him at that time. He told me that he didn’t need me. He didn’t need anything from me. He didn’t need me. I remember crying, “But I need. I need.” I was beside myself trying to procure a drink of water from a rock. It was crazy making.
In hindsight, maybe I was expecting too much. Maybe the grief I felt from the loss of my parent was too overwhelming for him. He who was given up for adoption and put in foster care for the first year and a half of his life. He who may never really have processed what the loss of his birth mother meant to him. I was trying to lean on the wrong person. And maybe empathy was never built into our relationship.
What would it take for you to let go of all the disappointed moments with X?
What would it take for you to have a relationship with someone who could empathize?
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