221 Marbles
It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.
Frederick Douglass
Ex-man was a distancer. When things got heated, he retreated. Often he would leave – get in his car and take off like he was Archie Bunker going to Kelsey’s in the old show All in the Family. This used to make me extremely anxious, although at the time, I wasn’t conscious as to why. Now I know.
When he would leave, Ex-man triggered the little girl in the flannelette nightie. I was 11 and my sister was graduating from high school. My Dad had a huge fight with her and he packed his bags and was going to leave. He kept saying, "I'm tired of being the bad guy." My mother was beside herself and I knew she wasn't strong enough to manage the family on her own. I was frightened at the prospect of my father leaving so I took matters into my own hands and ran after him in my bare feet to fling myself on his car. I wouldn't get off until he got out of the car and carried me into the house.
I got him to tuck me in and to promise that he wouldn't leave us in the middle of the night. He promised. I secured his promise by the line, "You wouldn't lie to a little girl, would you?" (This was a line I had heard on the Partridge Family - perhaps I watched too much TV). I knew I was being sneaky, but I also thought I was saving my family. In hindsight I know nothing.
What I do know is that there is a little girl who still thinks that she will not be okay when someone chooses to walk away. I have been tender with her. I have reminded her what my ex–husband wisely said when we were deciding the fate of our marriage . . . I asked him, "What will happen if we decide to split?" "We will be okay," he answered. "What will happen if we decide to stay together?" "We will be okay," he answered. He was right, on both counts.
It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.
Frederick Douglass
Ex-man was a distancer. When things got heated, he retreated. Often he would leave – get in his car and take off like he was Archie Bunker going to Kelsey’s in the old show All in the Family. This used to make me extremely anxious, although at the time, I wasn’t conscious as to why. Now I know.
When he would leave, Ex-man triggered the little girl in the flannelette nightie. I was 11 and my sister was graduating from high school. My Dad had a huge fight with her and he packed his bags and was going to leave. He kept saying, "I'm tired of being the bad guy." My mother was beside herself and I knew she wasn't strong enough to manage the family on her own. I was frightened at the prospect of my father leaving so I took matters into my own hands and ran after him in my bare feet to fling myself on his car. I wouldn't get off until he got out of the car and carried me into the house.
I got him to tuck me in and to promise that he wouldn't leave us in the middle of the night. He promised. I secured his promise by the line, "You wouldn't lie to a little girl, would you?" (This was a line I had heard on the Partridge Family - perhaps I watched too much TV). I knew I was being sneaky, but I also thought I was saving my family. In hindsight I know nothing.
What I do know is that there is a little girl who still thinks that she will not be okay when someone chooses to walk away. I have been tender with her. I have reminded her what my ex–husband wisely said when we were deciding the fate of our marriage . . . I asked him, "What will happen if we decide to split?" "We will be okay," he answered. "What will happen if we decide to stay together?" "We will be okay," he answered. He was right, on both counts.
Are there parts of you that feel ill-equipped to provide for yourself/your family on your own family without a man/partner? Is this your point of view or is it your mother's? If you let go of that point of view, are you aware of the lightness of expanded possibilities?
Do you feel safer/more secure with a man/partner in your life? Why?
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