223 Marbles
So there’s this "regular" who has been coming into my work for years. When he found out I was single, he started creeping on me (I think it’s called flirting). He would comment on how fit I was and tell me what an amazing mother I was (no way he’d know this to be true, by the way). Last week, I told him that I hike with a group of friend up a local mountain every Monday (Marble 253). Wouldn’t you know it, this week he showed up on the hike.
He’s a nice enough guy: he’s a stuntman, he’s always well dressed, he exercises and takes care of himself, he’s got that incendiary Scorpio vibe going on, and he loves his mother just the right amount. But I’m just not feeling it. Is it because of the marbles commitment that I’m not finding him the least bit enticing? Or is it because of the breakup that I’m not feeling ready to date? Despite my physical needs, I think it’s the latter. I’m not ready to open up to another person (the waters are still murky and not azure clear). Timing is everything and I’m simply not emotionally ready. I’ve heard women described as swinging monkeys - never letting go of the security of one relationship before having the next vine (aka man/woman) safely in hand. My days of being a swinging monkey are over.
It’s important for me to discern between my physical readiness for intimacy and my emotional readiness. Physically, there are several times during the month (thanks hormones) that I’d like nothing more than to invite a lover into my bed. Unfortunately that is how a relationship can be unconsciously started. It’s for that reason that I remain celibate (forever hopeful that the skill is like riding a bike;)
Where are you at in the relationship readiness continuum? Are you physically ready to be intimate with another human? Are you emotionally ready to be vulnerable in a relationship? Dr. Suess wrote, “You can get help from teachers, but you are going to have to learn a lot by yourself, sitting alone in a room.” Have you spent enough time in that room?
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