277 Marbles -
I’ve written how it was one of my biggest fears to become a single mother (Marble 300) and how now I’m in that situation. Yet as I adjust to my new life, I’m realizing that I’m not a single mother at all. I have friends who are single mothers and I’ve seen their lives. They may have family as back up and those they can lean on for child-minding, but the responsibility of their children, the expenses related to parenting, the keeping of their homes, the balancing of their careers and every other detail of parenting rests on their shoulders alone. Whereas I admire what it takes to coordinate all of the above, this is not my story. Thankfully. I don’t think I’d be cut out for it.
So I can’t say that I’m a single mother anymore, especially out of respect for true single parents. To be clear, my kids’ dads are involved both emotionally and financially. I’m able to benefit from the love and experiences of having a family yet I don’t have the sole responsibility of the role as parent. In hindsight, I’ve chosen two amazing dads with whom to co-parent children. For this I am extremely grateful.
There are some inherent disadvantages to the way my life is set up. I do have to continually compromise with a person with whom I am no longer in a marriage/relationship (when it comes to decisions about the kids). I am bound to stay in the same city as my Ex-men for as long as my children are growing up. I’ve kept my work schedule the way it is (working nights and weekends) so that we can break up the week, each getting the most time with the kids. Yet this set-up works best for what is now my very extended family.
Although Ex-man and I occasionally miss the mark of the cooperative atmosphere because of the rawness of our breakup, I’m confident that over time any differences will be ironed out with greater ease. I know he is a good dad and that gives me a great deal of comfort. So although I may technically be a single mother, I am not a single mother at all.
I used to have an art teacher in high school who said, "There are no mistakes in art." She would encourage us to make bold, inspired strokes on our canvases and even when we didn't like what showed up, she would advise us to turn it into something beautiful. I see a similar analogy with living life. Whereas I didn't consciously choose to be in this family situation without a mate, I see this as colorful marks on my canvas which I know I can turn it into art.
There’s the old African proverb, “It takes a village to raise a child.” If you are a single parent, who are your tribe? If you don’t have a tribe, is there a way to connect to others, perhaps other single parents, so you can be supportive to each other? There are often groups in communities whose aim is to make these connections. If you are feeling overwhelmed, seek out connections to create your own little village. Your life is your canvas...
I’ve written how it was one of my biggest fears to become a single mother (Marble 300) and how now I’m in that situation. Yet as I adjust to my new life, I’m realizing that I’m not a single mother at all. I have friends who are single mothers and I’ve seen their lives. They may have family as back up and those they can lean on for child-minding, but the responsibility of their children, the expenses related to parenting, the keeping of their homes, the balancing of their careers and every other detail of parenting rests on their shoulders alone. Whereas I admire what it takes to coordinate all of the above, this is not my story. Thankfully. I don’t think I’d be cut out for it.
So I can’t say that I’m a single mother anymore, especially out of respect for true single parents. To be clear, my kids’ dads are involved both emotionally and financially. I’m able to benefit from the love and experiences of having a family yet I don’t have the sole responsibility of the role as parent. In hindsight, I’ve chosen two amazing dads with whom to co-parent children. For this I am extremely grateful.
There are some inherent disadvantages to the way my life is set up. I do have to continually compromise with a person with whom I am no longer in a marriage/relationship (when it comes to decisions about the kids). I am bound to stay in the same city as my Ex-men for as long as my children are growing up. I’ve kept my work schedule the way it is (working nights and weekends) so that we can break up the week, each getting the most time with the kids. Yet this set-up works best for what is now my very extended family.
Although Ex-man and I occasionally miss the mark of the cooperative atmosphere because of the rawness of our breakup, I’m confident that over time any differences will be ironed out with greater ease. I know he is a good dad and that gives me a great deal of comfort. So although I may technically be a single mother, I am not a single mother at all.
I used to have an art teacher in high school who said, "There are no mistakes in art." She would encourage us to make bold, inspired strokes on our canvases and even when we didn't like what showed up, she would advise us to turn it into something beautiful. I see a similar analogy with living life. Whereas I didn't consciously choose to be in this family situation without a mate, I see this as colorful marks on my canvas which I know I can turn it into art.
There’s the old African proverb, “It takes a village to raise a child.” If you are a single parent, who are your tribe? If you don’t have a tribe, is there a way to connect to others, perhaps other single parents, so you can be supportive to each other? There are often groups in communities whose aim is to make these connections. If you are feeling overwhelmed, seek out connections to create your own little village. Your life is your canvas...
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