273 Marbles
In poker, when players make mistakes because something has upset them emotionally, it’s called “being on a tilt.” A player becomes so upset that he begins to make poor decisions. A player can sometimes go on a tilt simply because his opponent is obnoxious or rude. And a player on a tilt may begin betting with weaker hands than usual. While it’s important to recognize when your opponent is on a tilt, it’s even more vital to understand when you may be going on a tilt and figure out how not to let your emotions get the best of you.
Michael Rejebian “We’re with Nobody”
Today Ex-man came by to pick up the kids for the weekend. He asked for a cookbook that was “his” then he went outside and saw my nicely refinished chair (Marble 294). He noticed that I had attached a comfy cushion from one of his old deck chairs that he had left in the garage. He proceeded to take it off so he could take the cushion to his house. I proceeded to get upset.
It’s been three months and he still thinks he can come over and take what he wants. I perceived his move as literally threatening my comfort especially since I had been enjoying the chair in the sunshine today. I suggested that from now on he should email me prior to coming over and tell me if there is something he wants. If it’s okay with me, then he can take it. There has to be a statute of limitations for “plucking” what he wants from my home. I have more feelings than a storage locker.
He thinks that I’m unreasonable. Sure, I know that they’re only things, but sometimes things have significance. There are two cushions – why take the one attached to my chair? And why do it while he’s picking up the kids and I’m heading off to work? I think he’s acting unreasonably.
I consider that perhaps this breakup is like a big game of poker and when Ex-man comes and does his obnoxious and rude plucking, it puts me on a tilt. As Rejebian suggests, it’s imperative that I figure out how not to let my emotions get the best of me. Yes, I recognize I’m on a tilt, but I’m just not sure how to get out of it.
If I consider this breakup as a game of poker, there has to be a winner and a loser. Does this really work for me? Sure there is part of me that wants him to lose. There’s part of me that wants to twist my knuckle into his ribs until it hurts as much as I’ve felt hurt over the last few months (thankfully that part is pretty small). But when I come back to what I know, I know that our relationship didn’t work and that the challenges/pain I’ve felt over the breakup are largely because I have a difficult time letting go and adjusting to the new norm. When I connect to this place, I realize that this breakup isn’t really a game of poker because I want all of us to win. I want my kids to have homes where there is less conflict, homes where they can thrive and grow. I want Ex-man to go on to live a good life. I want myself to claim the immense possibilities available in my new life. Maybe the way to get out of the tilt is to ask myself, what would make us all win this particular hand?
I’m a resourceful person. I enjoy finding uses for things that are available to me. There is something about Ex-man continuing to come and pluck things from my environment that really bothers me. I need to ask him to come and get whatever he needs/wants in one final swoop and whatever he doesn’t choose to take, he will have to leave for good. That way he will have what he wants and so will I.
Can you use creative thinking to come to a win/win option when there is a conflict with your ex or any other conflict? When I look on the surface of this conflict, there is only ever going to be a winner and a loser. Either he will get the cushion or I will. But I can easily let go of the cushion if I’m not threatened by this dynamic continuing to happen. Below the surface, I don’t want to keep nesting in my home and have Ex-man coming to pluck things from my nest. The solution: a final swoop of plucking. Win/win.
In poker, when players make mistakes because something has upset them emotionally, it’s called “being on a tilt.” A player becomes so upset that he begins to make poor decisions. A player can sometimes go on a tilt simply because his opponent is obnoxious or rude. And a player on a tilt may begin betting with weaker hands than usual. While it’s important to recognize when your opponent is on a tilt, it’s even more vital to understand when you may be going on a tilt and figure out how not to let your emotions get the best of you.
Michael Rejebian “We’re with Nobody”
Today Ex-man came by to pick up the kids for the weekend. He asked for a cookbook that was “his” then he went outside and saw my nicely refinished chair (Marble 294). He noticed that I had attached a comfy cushion from one of his old deck chairs that he had left in the garage. He proceeded to take it off so he could take the cushion to his house. I proceeded to get upset.
It’s been three months and he still thinks he can come over and take what he wants. I perceived his move as literally threatening my comfort especially since I had been enjoying the chair in the sunshine today. I suggested that from now on he should email me prior to coming over and tell me if there is something he wants. If it’s okay with me, then he can take it. There has to be a statute of limitations for “plucking” what he wants from my home. I have more feelings than a storage locker.
He thinks that I’m unreasonable. Sure, I know that they’re only things, but sometimes things have significance. There are two cushions – why take the one attached to my chair? And why do it while he’s picking up the kids and I’m heading off to work? I think he’s acting unreasonably.
I consider that perhaps this breakup is like a big game of poker and when Ex-man comes and does his obnoxious and rude plucking, it puts me on a tilt. As Rejebian suggests, it’s imperative that I figure out how not to let my emotions get the best of me. Yes, I recognize I’m on a tilt, but I’m just not sure how to get out of it.
If I consider this breakup as a game of poker, there has to be a winner and a loser. Does this really work for me? Sure there is part of me that wants him to lose. There’s part of me that wants to twist my knuckle into his ribs until it hurts as much as I’ve felt hurt over the last few months (thankfully that part is pretty small). But when I come back to what I know, I know that our relationship didn’t work and that the challenges/pain I’ve felt over the breakup are largely because I have a difficult time letting go and adjusting to the new norm. When I connect to this place, I realize that this breakup isn’t really a game of poker because I want all of us to win. I want my kids to have homes where there is less conflict, homes where they can thrive and grow. I want Ex-man to go on to live a good life. I want myself to claim the immense possibilities available in my new life. Maybe the way to get out of the tilt is to ask myself, what would make us all win this particular hand?
I’m a resourceful person. I enjoy finding uses for things that are available to me. There is something about Ex-man continuing to come and pluck things from my environment that really bothers me. I need to ask him to come and get whatever he needs/wants in one final swoop and whatever he doesn’t choose to take, he will have to leave for good. That way he will have what he wants and so will I.
Can you use creative thinking to come to a win/win option when there is a conflict with your ex or any other conflict? When I look on the surface of this conflict, there is only ever going to be a winner and a loser. Either he will get the cushion or I will. But I can easily let go of the cushion if I’m not threatened by this dynamic continuing to happen. Below the surface, I don’t want to keep nesting in my home and have Ex-man coming to pluck things from my nest. The solution: a final swoop of plucking. Win/win.
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