266 Marbles
Most people smartly flip the poles of their attraction magnets after a breakup so they become repelled by their ex. I’ve never been quite so smart in this department. My heart is prone to attachments, even when the attachments are in past tense. I have to quiz myself on the verb to love: I loved my ex, I will never love my ex again. My heart’s rendition goes like this – I loved my ex, I still love my ex, I might love my ex in the future.
Needless to say, I’m prone to doing rebounds with an ex. Most people think it's because loneliness sets in but it's not. It’s because all the problems burn off in my memory and all I can recall is the love. I know friends who conveniently have the reverse result post breakup– all the love burns off and all they can remember is the cruddy stuff. Convenient for them.
A friend recently had an ex attempt to come back to her. He wrote her with a query – would she get back together? The letter was short and not sweet and included the sentence, “I’m willing to overlook your faults.” Her red flags went up and the alarms sounded – lucky for her. I broke my vow of silence (the one that tries to give no opinions about exes lest they reunite after too many ex-bashing sessions) and I asked, “Is it possible you’re looking for someone who doesn’t just tolerate you but celebrates you?”
For me, I have to try to keep my heart conscious of verb tenses. Nope, it doesn’t work, so I’ll try to ensure that Ex-man doesn’t return for at least 266 marbles.
What would it take for me to continue to love my exes but to love them from a distance? What would it take for me to move forward and never go back?
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