260 Marbles
The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but thought about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral. It is as it is.
Eckhart Tolle
There was a lot of bargaining involved with my relationship with Ex-man. I thought if I didn’t get angry at him, then our relationship would start working. I bargained with him that I’d go into anger management to “fix” myself but that didn’t really solve our relationship issues. At the core, we were incompatible.
When he told me that he wanted out of the relationship, there wasn’t any bargaining. If I’m being honest with myself, there was part of me that felt relief. It was like being on the dance floor with a partner whose rhythm I just couldn’t get. Sure, part of me thought, “Why can’t we learn to dance together?” But we couldn’t. The underlying question was, “Do I really want to go through my life being out of sync and frustrated with my partner?” I’ve had dance partners where it hasn’t been so, and I’d like that again, pretty please.
If bargaining is a step in the grieving process during a breakup, I can’t say that I’ve experienced it with Ex-man. Yet, when I look at the Marbles, there is a bargain in this whole process. My agreement with life is that if I put away a marble a day for a year, by the time I’m done, I won’t feel the post breakup lousiness. It’s not just a negotiation - I believe it to be true. It’s just nature - when something dies, there is always something that grows in its place. The marbles are my bargain in the grieving process.
Eckhart Tolle
There was a lot of bargaining involved with my relationship with Ex-man. I thought if I didn’t get angry at him, then our relationship would start working. I bargained with him that I’d go into anger management to “fix” myself but that didn’t really solve our relationship issues. At the core, we were incompatible.
When he told me that he wanted out of the relationship, there wasn’t any bargaining. If I’m being honest with myself, there was part of me that felt relief. It was like being on the dance floor with a partner whose rhythm I just couldn’t get. Sure, part of me thought, “Why can’t we learn to dance together?” But we couldn’t. The underlying question was, “Do I really want to go through my life being out of sync and frustrated with my partner?” I’ve had dance partners where it hasn’t been so, and I’d like that again, pretty please.
If bargaining is a step in the grieving process during a breakup, I can’t say that I’ve experienced it with Ex-man. Yet, when I look at the Marbles, there is a bargain in this whole process. My agreement with life is that if I put away a marble a day for a year, by the time I’m done, I won’t feel the post breakup lousiness. It’s not just a negotiation - I believe it to be true. It’s just nature - when something dies, there is always something that grows in its place. The marbles are my bargain in the grieving process.
India.Arie has a song that goes, "Give me the courage to love with an open heart." Yet often breakups can feel like breakdowns or shutdowns, where it can be difficult to see the possibility of loving with an open heart again. Could you make a deal with yourself to continue to stay open to expansion and possibility? Could you stay open to allowing magic to happen in your life?
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