122 Marbles
We’re not meant to be perfect. We’re meant to be whole.
Jane Fonda
I know a woman who uses the refrain “Perfect” a lot - too much, I think. And while she lives in a perfect house in a perfect neighborhood, has a perfect job and two perfect kids (who never fight, by the way), I wonder about her attachment to perfection. When you go to her house, it’s like Martha Stewart waved her magic wand and bibbedy, bobbedy, booed it until everything found a perfect spot. The woman doesn’t even have clutter and I sometimes wonder how much energy it takes to live in her display-type home? How much energy does it take to constantly clean and categorize the mess that life and living creates?
I’m not a slob but if you come to my home at any time you’ll find it tidy but with several things out of place - a sweater not put away here, a pencil on the kitchen floor there, a book or a few scattered about - all things that make the house lived in (and let’s face it - kids are the worst roommates on the planet, God love them). I enjoy doing a thorough clean every once and awhile but then I also allow the unraveling effect of watching the house get that relaxed-fit look of a pair of favorite jeans.
The city I live in has also been bitten by the perfect bug (as mentioned in yesterday’s marble). In almost every neighborhood, ma and pa businesses are being taken over by perfect store fronts and specialty shops. Although I enjoy it when someone takes their passion to the level of art, I sometimes enjoy the mayhem of the less-then-perfect spots. The restaurant where I work has character from its beautiful heritage building. But it has fruit flies in the summer, a washroom that seems less than first world standards, and it’s too cold in the winter from all the single-paned glass windows. There are also numerous problems that I don’t care to mention but, it feels lived in, it has soul. It’s also a dying breed of restaurants being taken over by corporate shops with multi-million dollar, award-winning, luxury loos http://www.cactusclubcafe.com/2010/09/canadas-best-restroom-results-announced/..
There are many definitions for perfect including “proficient” and “lacking nothing essential to the whole.” The definition that I’m targeting is closer to the energy behind “without defect or blemish.” As women, we’re bombarded with ideals of creating the perfect eyelashes, the perfect lips, even the perfect eyebrow (who knew there was a perfect eyebrow shape?) I wonder how much of the perfection-pushing sacrifices wholeness? As Jane Fonda points out, we’re not perfect but we are whole.
I know a woman who uses the refrain “Perfect” a lot - too much, I think. And while she lives in a perfect house in a perfect neighborhood, has a perfect job and two perfect kids (who never fight, by the way), I wonder about her attachment to perfection. When you go to her house, it’s like Martha Stewart waved her magic wand and bibbedy, bobbedy, booed it until everything found a perfect spot. The woman doesn’t even have clutter and I sometimes wonder how much energy it takes to live in her display-type home? How much energy does it take to constantly clean and categorize the mess that life and living creates?
I’m not a slob but if you come to my home at any time you’ll find it tidy but with several things out of place - a sweater not put away here, a pencil on the kitchen floor there, a book or a few scattered about - all things that make the house lived in (and let’s face it - kids are the worst roommates on the planet, God love them). I enjoy doing a thorough clean every once and awhile but then I also allow the unraveling effect of watching the house get that relaxed-fit look of a pair of favorite jeans.
The city I live in has also been bitten by the perfect bug (as mentioned in yesterday’s marble). In almost every neighborhood, ma and pa businesses are being taken over by perfect store fronts and specialty shops. Although I enjoy it when someone takes their passion to the level of art, I sometimes enjoy the mayhem of the less-then-perfect spots. The restaurant where I work has character from its beautiful heritage building. But it has fruit flies in the summer, a washroom that seems less than first world standards, and it’s too cold in the winter from all the single-paned glass windows. There are also numerous problems that I don’t care to mention but, it feels lived in, it has soul. It’s also a dying breed of restaurants being taken over by corporate shops with multi-million dollar, award-winning, luxury loos http://www.cactusclubcafe.com/2010/09/canadas-best-restroom-results-announced/..
There are many definitions for perfect including “proficient” and “lacking nothing essential to the whole.” The definition that I’m targeting is closer to the energy behind “without defect or blemish.” As women, we’re bombarded with ideals of creating the perfect eyelashes, the perfect lips, even the perfect eyebrow (who knew there was a perfect eyebrow shape?) I wonder how much of the perfection-pushing sacrifices wholeness? As Jane Fonda points out, we’re not perfect but we are whole.
I share this history with Fonda, I was once in search of the perfect body through exercise and eating disorders but you can never be “too skinny or too rich” (or too perfect). It was a losing battle. As I’ve aged I’ve discovered that even with my imperfections I lack nothing essential to my wholeness. In my ex-husband’s words to me (from the best exit-interview ever), “You will be okay when you realize that there’s nothing wrong with you.”
Then I remember those fun moments like when my running buddy and I tried to make a Martha Stewart-like gingerbread house with my kids. The icing was too runny and the house was askew and the candies drained from the gutters. We laughed so much and got so high on sugar that the flunkie house was nothing but perfect.
Do you strive for perfection? Is it ever attainable? In The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz wrote, “Always Do Your Best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.” What if you switched to always trying to do your best, knowing that your best is constantly in flux? Does that feel less heavy?
A couple of helpful perfection quotes by Brene Brown:
“Healthy striving is self-focused: "How can I improve", Perfectionism is other-focused:"What will they think”
“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
Then I remember those fun moments like when my running buddy and I tried to make a Martha Stewart-like gingerbread house with my kids. The icing was too runny and the house was askew and the candies drained from the gutters. We laughed so much and got so high on sugar that the flunkie house was nothing but perfect.
Do you strive for perfection? Is it ever attainable? In The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz wrote, “Always Do Your Best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.” What if you switched to always trying to do your best, knowing that your best is constantly in flux? Does that feel less heavy?
A couple of helpful perfection quotes by Brene Brown:
“Healthy striving is self-focused: "How can I improve", Perfectionism is other-focused:"What will they think”
“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
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