109 Marbles
My daughter is notoriously late in the mornings. It doesn’t seem to matter what time I wake her up, she still dawdles until she is late for school. I’ve tried several methods to get her downstairs and ready by the appropriate time, once even leaving without her. Nothing seems to work.
Yesterday morning I was so frustrated and angry by her constant tardiness. I gave her the regular speech about being responsible for getting ready. I was further annoyed by her lack of concern. By the time I dropped her off then her brother, I was in a foul mood.
I decided I would do yoga to get myself into a better space. As I was moving through the poses, I slipped back in time and remembered my father on my wedding day, out in the car honking the horn as I tried to attach my veil with the help of my maid of honor. I remembered the stress of feeling rushed, especially on such an important day. I rethought my approach with my daughter.
Why was I so focused on getting her to school on time? Because I felt responsible to teach her the importance of being punctual. But the fact is, the more time-obsessed that I became, the less she seemed to care; I cared enough for both of us. It wasn't like she was causing anyone else to be late - her brother and her were now in different schools and his school started later. She would have to face the consequences of being late at her new school.
When I picked the kids up from school, I first apologized for my morning mood. Then I explained the new guidelines: If she wanted to be to school on time, she would have to be downstairs at 8:15. If she wasn’t, I wouldn’t care until 8:40 – the time we had to leave to take her brother to school. If she wasn’t ready by then, we would be leaving without her. On the occasions when I was also at risk of being late for an appointment or for class, she would have to be more punctual. Plain and simple.
This morning we practiced the new guidelines. I didn’t get angry when she wasn’t organized or ready on time. I let it go that she was a few minutes late for school. I’ve talked a blue streak about the principle of respect and being on time but in the process, I’ve lost the principle of being responsible for my own energy.
My daughter is notoriously late in the mornings. It doesn’t seem to matter what time I wake her up, she still dawdles until she is late for school. I’ve tried several methods to get her downstairs and ready by the appropriate time, once even leaving without her. Nothing seems to work.
Yesterday morning I was so frustrated and angry by her constant tardiness. I gave her the regular speech about being responsible for getting ready. I was further annoyed by her lack of concern. By the time I dropped her off then her brother, I was in a foul mood.
I decided I would do yoga to get myself into a better space. As I was moving through the poses, I slipped back in time and remembered my father on my wedding day, out in the car honking the horn as I tried to attach my veil with the help of my maid of honor. I remembered the stress of feeling rushed, especially on such an important day. I rethought my approach with my daughter.
Why was I so focused on getting her to school on time? Because I felt responsible to teach her the importance of being punctual. But the fact is, the more time-obsessed that I became, the less she seemed to care; I cared enough for both of us. It wasn't like she was causing anyone else to be late - her brother and her were now in different schools and his school started later. She would have to face the consequences of being late at her new school.
When I picked the kids up from school, I first apologized for my morning mood. Then I explained the new guidelines: If she wanted to be to school on time, she would have to be downstairs at 8:15. If she wasn’t, I wouldn’t care until 8:40 – the time we had to leave to take her brother to school. If she wasn’t ready by then, we would be leaving without her. On the occasions when I was also at risk of being late for an appointment or for class, she would have to be more punctual. Plain and simple.
This morning we practiced the new guidelines. I didn’t get angry when she wasn’t organized or ready on time. I let it go that she was a few minutes late for school. I’ve talked a blue streak about the principle of respect and being on time but in the process, I’ve lost the principle of being responsible for my own energy.
Are there "logs" that you fall over every single time? Are there new ways to avoid falling over the same logs? Can you think outside the box and come up with new solutions to old problems (Hint: hidden in every problem is a solution just waiting to be uncovered).
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