100 Marbles
…Instead of Who They Aren’t
So I have a confession that should have been in the letting go phase of this blog, but perhaps this cleanse is about more letting go. Yesterday I was talking with a friend about a woman who I recently met. I noticed myself honing in on a quality that I didn’t like - her lack of generosity with money. She was a guest of my friend and I noticed that my friend was constantly paying for her. The woman never offered to contribute and I found that attribute annoying. I felt that even if the woman wasn’t flush with funds, there were ways to be generous and grateful that didn’t require cash. I judged the woman using my yardstick of what I would have done in the situation, then I caught myself, ruler in hand.
Let’s go back to the dozen years that I spent with Ex-man…when we’d meet new people socially, Ex-man would often talk, after we'd left the gathering, about what he didn’t like about them. I found this trait vexing as I’d think to myself, “Who is perfect to your standards?” Most of Ex-man’s friends were his pals from high school, and being human, none of them were perfect. I felt that his attitude toward new people kept his social circle small and his judgments prevented new friends from entering his world. In addition, it put a negative slant on my excitement about meeting new people. Alas, there I was yesterday, engaged in the same behavior.
When I think about letting go of the ability to see (what I see as) people’s character flaws, I note a resistance. Surely, this discernment is there to protect me from charlatans of all sorts entering my life, is it not? But perhaps it disallows too many people from being a contribution to my life, and vice versa.
I decided to be open to who people are instead of who they aren’t. With my friend’s guest, why put the spotlight on the one thing that I didn’t like about her when she had so many qualities that were admirable and fun. My pernicious behavior tends to keep my world small with the underlying message, “Unless you’re perfect, you cannot enter my world.” Ironically, by these standards, I can’t be in my world either.
There’s an expression, “Energy flows where the attention goes.” Do you tend to focus on what you love about people rather than what you don’t? If you were more accepting of yourself would you naturally be more accepting of others?
…Instead of Who They Aren’t
So I have a confession that should have been in the letting go phase of this blog, but perhaps this cleanse is about more letting go. Yesterday I was talking with a friend about a woman who I recently met. I noticed myself honing in on a quality that I didn’t like - her lack of generosity with money. She was a guest of my friend and I noticed that my friend was constantly paying for her. The woman never offered to contribute and I found that attribute annoying. I felt that even if the woman wasn’t flush with funds, there were ways to be generous and grateful that didn’t require cash. I judged the woman using my yardstick of what I would have done in the situation, then I caught myself, ruler in hand.
Let’s go back to the dozen years that I spent with Ex-man…when we’d meet new people socially, Ex-man would often talk, after we'd left the gathering, about what he didn’t like about them. I found this trait vexing as I’d think to myself, “Who is perfect to your standards?” Most of Ex-man’s friends were his pals from high school, and being human, none of them were perfect. I felt that his attitude toward new people kept his social circle small and his judgments prevented new friends from entering his world. In addition, it put a negative slant on my excitement about meeting new people. Alas, there I was yesterday, engaged in the same behavior.
When I think about letting go of the ability to see (what I see as) people’s character flaws, I note a resistance. Surely, this discernment is there to protect me from charlatans of all sorts entering my life, is it not? But perhaps it disallows too many people from being a contribution to my life, and vice versa.
I decided to be open to who people are instead of who they aren’t. With my friend’s guest, why put the spotlight on the one thing that I didn’t like about her when she had so many qualities that were admirable and fun. My pernicious behavior tends to keep my world small with the underlying message, “Unless you’re perfect, you cannot enter my world.” Ironically, by these standards, I can’t be in my world either.
There’s an expression, “Energy flows where the attention goes.” Do you tend to focus on what you love about people rather than what you don’t? If you were more accepting of yourself would you naturally be more accepting of others?
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