115 Marbles
A friend of mine just came back from her Thanksgiving break where she spent time with three of her exes. Needless to say, when I picked her up, she was so happy to be home. When we went for coffee, she was beating herself up for the men she has chosen to be with in her life. Spending time with each of them during Thanksgiving made her question what she was thinking (it was like seeing someone looking at an old photo of some crazy fashion faux pas). While each of the men offered my friend opportunities to learn and grow, none of them offered her healthy love or a good relationship.
I listened to her berate herself and I suggested different ways of looking at it but she seemed intent on self-flagellation. Finally, I suggested a new metaphor: I asked her to remember all the different apartments where she had lived throughout her life, some of the areas weren’t great, some of the apartments weren’t great. Now, however, she lives in a cute apartment, with great neighbors, in an area that she loves. Does she look back and beat herself up for living in those earlier apartments? Would she ever move back to the neighborhoods she didn’t like? No, but at the time it was just where she was at.
We abide where we abide until we no longer do and then we move on. This idea brought her comfort as she realized she has grown and just like she would never live in an undesirable area of town, she would not be with a man that didn’t meet her where she is at. I confirmed this for her as the last man she was with had challenges being vulnerable and she ultimately decided that she wasn’t getting what she needed. Adios amigo.
We abide where we abide until it no longer suits us then we move on. Sometimes we move on together, and sometimes we move on alone.
Do you have any shame about the partners that you’ve chosen? Could it be that people fit while they fit? Could it be that some relationships are more elastic than others, allowing the individuals to grow and change?
A friend of mine just came back from her Thanksgiving break where she spent time with three of her exes. Needless to say, when I picked her up, she was so happy to be home. When we went for coffee, she was beating herself up for the men she has chosen to be with in her life. Spending time with each of them during Thanksgiving made her question what she was thinking (it was like seeing someone looking at an old photo of some crazy fashion faux pas). While each of the men offered my friend opportunities to learn and grow, none of them offered her healthy love or a good relationship.
I listened to her berate herself and I suggested different ways of looking at it but she seemed intent on self-flagellation. Finally, I suggested a new metaphor: I asked her to remember all the different apartments where she had lived throughout her life, some of the areas weren’t great, some of the apartments weren’t great. Now, however, she lives in a cute apartment, with great neighbors, in an area that she loves. Does she look back and beat herself up for living in those earlier apartments? Would she ever move back to the neighborhoods she didn’t like? No, but at the time it was just where she was at.
We abide where we abide until we no longer do and then we move on. This idea brought her comfort as she realized she has grown and just like she would never live in an undesirable area of town, she would not be with a man that didn’t meet her where she is at. I confirmed this for her as the last man she was with had challenges being vulnerable and she ultimately decided that she wasn’t getting what she needed. Adios amigo.
We abide where we abide until it no longer suits us then we move on. Sometimes we move on together, and sometimes we move on alone.
Do you have any shame about the partners that you’ve chosen? Could it be that people fit while they fit? Could it be that some relationships are more elastic than others, allowing the individuals to grow and change?
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