116 Marbles
I never approve, or disapprove, of anything now. It is an absurd attitude to take towards life.
Oscar Wilde
Tonight in the restaurant, there was a couple who sat down and ordered a Monday night bottle of champagne. I asked them what they were celebrating and they said, “Just life.” A good thing to celebrate. He was older, she was way younger and another waiter asked me, “Is it his daughter or a hooker?” Then they started holding hands and I found myself judging who they were when I clearly didn’t know them. How the heck would I know if their relationship works for them? They seemed happy. Then I thought of Nelson Mandela.
Nelson Mandela, the first elected President of South Africa, was in jail for 27 years for his anti-apartheid activism. Later in life he married Graça Machel who was 27 years his junior and they’ve been married ever since. Is their age difference a coincidence or is it an example of life’s grace?
I always tell my children that the body moves toward healing and health. When you cut yourself, your conscious mind doesn’t have to think about it but your body heals itself: the bleeding stops, a scab forms, new layers of skin develop, and eventually the scab falls off - good as new. I believe that the spirit move towards healing as well, it’s just that the methods are even more mysterious.
Back to the champagne couple. I amaze myself at how judgmental I can be, how sure I know what is right or wrong for another. I’m a judge without a gavel - I judge others, I judge myself, and I judge myself for judging others. But judging feels restrictive so I ask myself, what can I invite into my life that would take me out of judgment? The answer comes back - allowance.
Here’s the funny thing - part of me is concerned that allowance means opening the flood-gate and losing all discernment of what I’d like in my life and what I wouldn’t. Judging keeps a structure in place yet it often means being in resistance of what is. I think I have some confusion around having a judgment and having an awareness. When I have an awareness or a knowing about something, there is more allowance for it to be as it is or for me to put my energy toward trying to change it. So perhaps the way to lose the gavel is by developing my awareness.
Nelson Mandela, the first elected President of South Africa, was in jail for 27 years for his anti-apartheid activism. Later in life he married Graça Machel who was 27 years his junior and they’ve been married ever since. Is their age difference a coincidence or is it an example of life’s grace?
I always tell my children that the body moves toward healing and health. When you cut yourself, your conscious mind doesn’t have to think about it but your body heals itself: the bleeding stops, a scab forms, new layers of skin develop, and eventually the scab falls off - good as new. I believe that the spirit move towards healing as well, it’s just that the methods are even more mysterious.
Back to the champagne couple. I amaze myself at how judgmental I can be, how sure I know what is right or wrong for another. I’m a judge without a gavel - I judge others, I judge myself, and I judge myself for judging others. But judging feels restrictive so I ask myself, what can I invite into my life that would take me out of judgment? The answer comes back - allowance.
Here’s the funny thing - part of me is concerned that allowance means opening the flood-gate and losing all discernment of what I’d like in my life and what I wouldn’t. Judging keeps a structure in place yet it often means being in resistance of what is. I think I have some confusion around having a judgment and having an awareness. When I have an awareness or a knowing about something, there is more allowance for it to be as it is or for me to put my energy toward trying to change it. So perhaps the way to lose the gavel is by developing my awareness.
How many great things does your judgment keep at bay? When you go into judgment, can you stop and ask if it there is some awareness behind the judgment? In Eckhart Tolle's words, "Can I look without the voice in my head commenting, drawing conclusions, comparing, or trying to figure something out?"
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