102 Marbles
Who can tell what is good or bad luck?
Zen saying
Thanks to the leap year, this is the 265th Marble and so much has changed since that first marble dropped. Whereas I once viewed the breakup as a painful, negative event in my life, I now know it was a good thing. Ex-man and I could not seem to be happy together and I find that I’m much happier on my own, living my life with my kids. For the first time, I understand how, years ago, my Ex-husband could say, “We’ll be fine if we stay together, we’ll be fine if we breakup.” The breakup with Ex-man was just the medicine I needed and as Eckhart Tolle suggests, “Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness.” In the vernacular, “It’s all good.”
With 265 Marbles down, it’s a good time for me to stop, once again, and take an inventory of what has changed since that fateful move out day many marbles ago:
1. Remember birthday guy telling me I was beautiful and craning my neck around to see if he really meant me (Marble 328). Now when someone tells me I’m beautiful I believe him/her. More importantly, I now believe it before anyone has to tell me.
2. I used to feel so naked when at first I wasn’t wearing Ex-man’s Claddagh* ring - there was embarrassment of being a singlish mom, shame for having another “failed relationship”, and guilt for not being able to keep my kids’ family together. Now there isn’t same significance to my naked ring finger.
Who can tell what is good or bad luck?
Zen saying
Thanks to the leap year, this is the 265th Marble and so much has changed since that first marble dropped. Whereas I once viewed the breakup as a painful, negative event in my life, I now know it was a good thing. Ex-man and I could not seem to be happy together and I find that I’m much happier on my own, living my life with my kids. For the first time, I understand how, years ago, my Ex-husband could say, “We’ll be fine if we stay together, we’ll be fine if we breakup.” The breakup with Ex-man was just the medicine I needed and as Eckhart Tolle suggests, “Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness.” In the vernacular, “It’s all good.”
With 265 Marbles down, it’s a good time for me to stop, once again, and take an inventory of what has changed since that fateful move out day many marbles ago:
1. Remember birthday guy telling me I was beautiful and craning my neck around to see if he really meant me (Marble 328). Now when someone tells me I’m beautiful I believe him/her. More importantly, I now believe it before anyone has to tell me.
2. I used to feel so naked when at first I wasn’t wearing Ex-man’s Claddagh* ring - there was embarrassment of being a singlish mom, shame for having another “failed relationship”, and guilt for not being able to keep my kids’ family together. Now there isn’t same significance to my naked ring finger.
3. At 364 marbles I was concerned with the celibacy challenge. I still really miss intimacy and being touched but I’m not as starved as I thought I’d be. It turns out I can go longer without a “good meal” than I thought I could.
4. Life has stretched me - I’ve shifted my perception from “Life is hard” to “Life is fun” and along the way I’ve made friends with a running partner who keeps me laughing and I’ve had many firsts including first drag show and first strip show.
5. Despite continuing to write this blog, my life is less about my breakup and more about “What now? What do I want to create?”
What has shifted since your breakup? Are you still asking yourself what else you’d like to create? What else do you want to experience?
What has shifted since your breakup? Are you still asking yourself what else you’d like to create? What else do you want to experience?
* a traditional Irish marriage/relationship ring
No comments:
Post a Comment