188 Marbles
The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.
Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose
My kids are still away for a few more days so I’ve had a bit more free time. What I’m noticing is that after almost six months of marbles, I’m adjusting to my new life quite well. My life becomes less and less about the breakup and missing the relationship and Ex-man, and more and more about me and creating the type of life that I actually want to be living. Sometimes there can be so much compromise in a relationship that before you know it, you’ve been detoured down a path that is in the opposite direction from where you want to be. It can take a while after a breakup to start heading in the right direction.
I’m also aware that for as long as I’m dealing with Ex-man regarding the kids, I may as well resign myself to having disagreements with him (we didn’t agree when we were together, why would we now that we’re apart?) We see things in a very different way, yet for my own well-being it helps when I try to expand the way that I see things. For example, regarding the birthday party (Marble 190), I could ask myself, “Given all the facts, what other story could I be telling about the birthday party planning?” One of the answers might be, “Wow, I’m lucky to have chosen a father for my kids who takes such initiative to plan our daughter’s party.” It’s the old glass-half-empty or glass-half-full phenomenon.
Ex-man breaking up with me was actually a huge favor. The relationship wasn’t nurturing either one of us. I had recreated the table scrap relationship of my parents and somehow I was content to subsist on scraps when I could have been sitting at a relationship buffet. But maybe it’s my idea of relationship that is ancient and obsolete. What if a relationship is really just about supporting us to nurture ourselves? What if there are no umbilical cords in relationships just the kindness of a friend/partner who is witness to our life? Oh, and intimate sex. There has to be sex.
When the time is right, what do you want out of a relationship? I know in a new relationship I want more fun, but what else do I want to create?
The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.
Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose
My kids are still away for a few more days so I’ve had a bit more free time. What I’m noticing is that after almost six months of marbles, I’m adjusting to my new life quite well. My life becomes less and less about the breakup and missing the relationship and Ex-man, and more and more about me and creating the type of life that I actually want to be living. Sometimes there can be so much compromise in a relationship that before you know it, you’ve been detoured down a path that is in the opposite direction from where you want to be. It can take a while after a breakup to start heading in the right direction.
I’m also aware that for as long as I’m dealing with Ex-man regarding the kids, I may as well resign myself to having disagreements with him (we didn’t agree when we were together, why would we now that we’re apart?) We see things in a very different way, yet for my own well-being it helps when I try to expand the way that I see things. For example, regarding the birthday party (Marble 190), I could ask myself, “Given all the facts, what other story could I be telling about the birthday party planning?” One of the answers might be, “Wow, I’m lucky to have chosen a father for my kids who takes such initiative to plan our daughter’s party.” It’s the old glass-half-empty or glass-half-full phenomenon.
Ex-man breaking up with me was actually a huge favor. The relationship wasn’t nurturing either one of us. I had recreated the table scrap relationship of my parents and somehow I was content to subsist on scraps when I could have been sitting at a relationship buffet. But maybe it’s my idea of relationship that is ancient and obsolete. What if a relationship is really just about supporting us to nurture ourselves? What if there are no umbilical cords in relationships just the kindness of a friend/partner who is witness to our life? Oh, and intimate sex. There has to be sex.
When the time is right, what do you want out of a relationship? I know in a new relationship I want more fun, but what else do I want to create?
No comments:
Post a Comment