Caught Between a Rock and my Hard Place

214 Marbles
I supposed if I’d stopped to think about it, I would have realized that Andrew was too like me – that we were as stubborn as each other; that our admiration would inevitably become attrition.  The only reason that we were married in such haste was that my mother begged me not to marry Andrew at all.  “One of you in a marriage has to be soft,” she said. “That’s not going to be you, dear, so it might as well be the man.”
Chris Cleave, “Little Bee”

    I’m reading the novel Little Bee and I came upon the above passage which made me think of my relationship with Ex-man.  I’m not a push-over and I’m not incredibly stubborn, yet with Ex-man (who does not budge), my hard place came out. 
    I don’t know why this was – maybe I felt that if I gave him an inch, he’d take a mile.  Perhaps it was more that if I gave in to his viewpoint I would inevitably lose myself.  I haven’t felt this way in every relationship that I’ve been in – it was just a peculiar dynamic of our relationship.  It felt like a tug-of-war where every inch of real estate that was lost represented a relinquishment of power. 
     I’d like to have a relationship in the future that has more freedom of movement. By looking back, I know what I don’t want.  Now it’s about looking forward and stepping into the life that I do want.

Johann Kaspar Lavater wrote, “Stubbornness is the strength of the weak.”   When you feel caught between a rock and your hard place, can you stop and ask yourself, “What am I trying to hold onto?”  “What do I think I will lose if I let go of the tug-of-war rope?”  “Is the rope an illusion?”  “Can I ever lose my power?”