212 Marbles
You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
Don’t need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free
Paul Simon “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover”
I’ve been telling a lie these 153 Marbles, well not exactly a lie but an obstruction of what I know to be true. Okay, a lie.
Before Ex-man "broke up with me" I had been talking with a good friend and telling her that I couldn’t see Ex-man and myself continuing the way we were going. He was sleeping on the couch. We had lost any real form of connection. We hadn’t been able to create the relationship we wanted with each other even after counseling and various attempts to try to interact with each other in a different way. We had reached a stalemate and there didn’t exist any answer for what else could be possible?
Before Ex-man "broke up with me" I had been talking with a good friend and telling her that I couldn’t see Ex-man and myself continuing the way we were going. He was sleeping on the couch. We had lost any real form of connection. We hadn’t been able to create the relationship we wanted with each other even after counseling and various attempts to try to interact with each other in a different way. We had reached a stalemate and there didn’t exist any answer for what else could be possible?
I wanted out. I went for a walk by myself and when I came home, he broke the news to me - he wanted out of the relationship. What? Immediately, I switched from me choosing to leave, to him being the bad guy for choosing it first. I know, I know, this makes me an unreliable narrator but I can only be willing to admit the truth when I’m willing to admit it. We were both on the same wavelength but I let him be the fall-guy, the one initiating the breakup.
What is the significance of being the breakupor or the breakupee? If a relationship is truly not working, what does it matter which person raises the white flag? On one hand, it takes a lot of responsibility to be the one to pull the plug when the water has turned frigid in the relationship bathtub. On the other hand, the ego might stay more intact being the one initiating the breakup. For the person on the other side of the axe coming down on a relationship, it can be challenging if the act of choosing to terminate is unilateral, in other words if you still wanted to be in the relationship and the Ex wanted out. It can be tough on the heart and tough on the ego. But is there any easy way of accepting that the person who you love is now choosing something else? And does that make him/her wrong or your relationship a failure?
Have you put too much significance on who initiated the breakup? Can you let go of the attachment of being the one who left or the one who was left?
No comments:
Post a Comment