210 Marbles
My mother is unable to recognize my kids and me when we go to visit her sometimes. At first I was very upset when this happened, but now I try to be mindful that it’s nothing personal - she is just pulling up her anchors to her life.
When my children were born, I noticed how it took there little spirits some time to get grounded in their senses, grounded on this earth. It took them time to see accurately through their new eyes, to decipher the different sounds with their new ears, to get used to their taste buds, to master grasping things and moving their body around, and to associate things by their scent. It almost felt to me that they were transitioning from pure spirit to this hybrid of body and spirit that we call being human.
My mother is on the other end of the spectrum. She is transitioning from being in her body in this world into being pure spirit again. First she lost the ability to deal with anything to do with finances. Then she lost her agility and is now in a wheelchair or a bed. She has lost her language skills (and for a woman who loved to talk, this speaks volumes). Most recently, her memory is going and at times she can’t even recognize the people with whom she has strong connections to in this life.
When babies do their transitioning, it’s exciting to watch: There is the feeling that there is everything to gain, new skills acquired everyday, more personality to greet as the days go by. When adults do their transitioning, it’s challenging to watch: There’s a feeling is loss of connection to the person whom you love. When I hit one of these pockets of loss, I go through it and try to remember that it is just the continuation of the circle that began when my mother was born. I feel my sadness in slowly losing my mother. I dread the day when I will really have to let her go but in the meantime I try my best to be present to her in her process of letting go. When I start to feel that life is asking me to let go of too much this year, I reposition my lens and think of her pulling up her anchors, getting prepared for her next voyage.
What would come into your hands (and your heart) if you learned to let go more freely?
No comments:
Post a Comment