Every Man for Himself

177 Marbles 

    Sometimes you have to look back to what you had to see what you don’t want in the future.  One of the aspects of the relationship that Ex-man and I created that I’d like to see different in any relationship of the future is the underlying feeling  of “every man for himself.”  Despite us being a couple for over twelve years, I never really felt that we were cohesive or that we actually watched out for each other.  There was never the feeling that he had my back, except on the two occasions during the birth of our children when I had serious back labor and he did have my back, massaging it like a champion. This was a moment that I truly felt cared for by him.  
    I have been lucky enough to sense when a friend/lover in my past has had my back.  It shows up in small moments like when a date went searching for a stool for me to sit on in an over-crowded show, or ensured that my purse is safely stored when we went out on the dance floor.  At home it shows up as offering to make a tea/cofee for each other or get each other a drink when heading into the kitchen - small gestures that make each other feel that our relationship is not “every man for himself.” 
    So what exactly does it mean to have someone’s back?  Sometimes it’s literal, like being able to put sunscreen on that spot in the middle of my back that despite doing years of yoga, I still can’t reach.  Usually it’s metaphorical, more a feeling that someone is watching out for my best interest not because I lack the awareness to do it myself but because we are on the same team.  Perhaps some of my frustration with Ex-man was expecting him to be a team player when his enjoyment in life came from accomplishing things “all by himself.”  But that is behind me and I look forward to a relationship in the future that is more team-oriented. 

Do you enjoy having someone in your life that is on the same team?  If you do, according to Einstein all you have to do is match the frequency of the reality that you want and you cannot help but get it…
   

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