182 Marbles
Bernie Riley: Claire said I can't be friends with you anymore.
Cal: What?
Bernie Riley: She said we had to choose between you and Emily. I chose you. But she said no.
"Crazy, Stupid, Love"
It’s not surprising that Ex-man and I had our little tryst last night. The meandering, stress-free days at the lake always seemed to bring out the best in us. The lake has three of the ingredients that supported our relationship: family, friends, and the recreational imbibing of alcohol.
The atmosphere is different this year with the breakup. His family is friendly enough but their loyalties lie with him and that makes for some slightly awkward situations like not being invited along with his sisters for their morning run, despite being asked along in the past. I find this strange because I think of myself as an “includer”, always inviting people along and trying my best to make everyone feel welcome. If Ex-man felt it was important to invite me up to the lake, they may have followed his lead and still remained loyal to their brother. Yet they are Irish and there’s that old joke - ‘What is Irish Alzheimer’s?’ Answer: ‘Forgetting everything except for the grudge.’
I can get into trouble here when I use my yardstick to measure everyone else so I’ll try to put myself into their running shoes and understand why they wouldn’t have bothered to include me. It could be that they’re not big on my company (hard for me to believe but it’s a possibility that perhaps not everyone likes me). Maybe they were just tolerating me all these years and now that they don’t have to, they won’t. It could be that they feel awkward with the situation of the breakup and don’t know how to navigate between being inviting and moving on. This is entirely possible as despite it only taking two people to fall in love and entwine their lives together, it takes more than two people to untangle those lives when there’s a breakup – family, friends, and in our case our children - everyone deals with untangling the web of connections. I can feel hurt by not being included but I also believe that it wasn’t their intention to hurt me. They are just coping the best way they know how.
How have family and friends reacted to your breakup? Even if you sometimes feel hurt by their behavior, does it help to recognize that they are coping in their own way? It takes more than two to untangle.
Bernie Riley: Claire said I can't be friends with you anymore.
Cal: What?
Bernie Riley: She said we had to choose between you and Emily. I chose you. But she said no.
"Crazy, Stupid, Love"
It’s not surprising that Ex-man and I had our little tryst last night. The meandering, stress-free days at the lake always seemed to bring out the best in us. The lake has three of the ingredients that supported our relationship: family, friends, and the recreational imbibing of alcohol.
The atmosphere is different this year with the breakup. His family is friendly enough but their loyalties lie with him and that makes for some slightly awkward situations like not being invited along with his sisters for their morning run, despite being asked along in the past. I find this strange because I think of myself as an “includer”, always inviting people along and trying my best to make everyone feel welcome. If Ex-man felt it was important to invite me up to the lake, they may have followed his lead and still remained loyal to their brother. Yet they are Irish and there’s that old joke - ‘What is Irish Alzheimer’s?’ Answer: ‘Forgetting everything except for the grudge.’
I can get into trouble here when I use my yardstick to measure everyone else so I’ll try to put myself into their running shoes and understand why they wouldn’t have bothered to include me. It could be that they’re not big on my company (hard for me to believe but it’s a possibility that perhaps not everyone likes me). Maybe they were just tolerating me all these years and now that they don’t have to, they won’t. It could be that they feel awkward with the situation of the breakup and don’t know how to navigate between being inviting and moving on. This is entirely possible as despite it only taking two people to fall in love and entwine their lives together, it takes more than two people to untangle those lives when there’s a breakup – family, friends, and in our case our children - everyone deals with untangling the web of connections. I can feel hurt by not being included but I also believe that it wasn’t their intention to hurt me. They are just coping the best way they know how.
How have family and friends reacted to your breakup? Even if you sometimes feel hurt by their behavior, does it help to recognize that they are coping in their own way? It takes more than two to untangle.
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