The
family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through
life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts,
hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms,
inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving,
laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that
bound us all together.
Erma Bombeck
It was awkward, or I should say I was awkward. I saw all the old caregivers and other mothers that have known my kids and my family for eight years. So much has changed in the months since I stopped taking my youngest there. Some of the people know of the breakup of my family and my old sense of failure cropped up again.
One of the caregivers I saw is a mother whose husband recently died unexpectedly. The only thing that was apparent to me when I talked to her (feeling her loss) was how strange it is that people like me and Ex-man choose to lose each other, while others are unwillingly torn apart. We seemed frivolous.
My heart squeaks shut at those moments when I feel the acute loss of my dream of family. Socially, a family includes mother, father, and kids, right? The truth of course is that I do have a family and whereas I may feel a tad displaced at the moment, over time we’ll create a new image of family.
Perhaps it is the word family that is causing such distress because it carries with it expectations of how it should look. Then I read Terri Guillemets' prayer of gratitude, "And thank you for a house full of people I love. Amen." All of a sudden there is lightness again. We are a house full of people who love each other bound by blood and a common thread. Family by any other name would be as sweet.
Einstein once wrote, "Rejoice with your family in the beautiful land of life!" Is it time to let go of an old understanding of what family should be and be open to creating a new post breakup family? Allow your family to be an exploration into the beautiful land of life and love.
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