Green with Jealousy

308 Marbles
Don't waste time on jealousy.  Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. 
Mary Schmich

    Today I found out that my ex-husband’s wife is going on a trip to the Virgin Islands.  I told her, “I’m green with jealousy,” but as soon as I said it, I realized it wasn’t true.  Sure, a tropical vacation would be nice but I was happy for her. What I acknowledge is that I want to be at the point where I'm able to go on more of those vacations myself. 
    I used to get so tied up in a knot when good things happened to others and not to me.  I’d make comparisons and think that it left less of the pie for me.  Somehow, I’ve managed to overcome that mentality and make peace with the idea that everyone’s path looks different.  What I do know is that I’m on the right path for me and my only areas of concern are getting through this breakup, sorting my finances and my career (the latter two seem to go hand in hand).  When I look up from my own path to check out where someone else is, I remind myself to focus on where I’m headed, not where anyone else is going. 
    That isn’t always easy.  I remember several years ago when a woman with whom I went to school came into the restaurant and sat in my section.  I saw her sit down and I sat in the back, dreading the idea of having to serve her.  I voiced my concern to a co-worker who offered to take the table, but I decided against it as the woman would inevitably see me serving tables.  My ego was shattered  - here I was twenty years after high school serving lunch to a woman with whom I’d been on the honor roll.  I could already see her smirk. 
    I bit the bullet.  I went over and said hello and told her the specials.  We caught up and I found that she was a lawyer – no surprise.  She asked what I was up to.  I told her I had three kids and I was going back to university to study Creative Writing.  As the lunch progressed, she divulged how she was miserable practicing law and that she had always wanted to be a journalist.  With keen interest, she asked me questions about my life and her parting comment to me after she had paid her bill, “You’re living my dream life.” My jaw dropped and then I smiled at the ironical change of tide.  A few years later, I saw her again and she was happily married and going to school for journalism.  She was living her dream life too. 
    I have a friend who thinks it's okay to be jealous and not okay to be envious so I had to go to Aristotle to try to understand the difference - "Jealousy is both reasonable and belongs to reasonable men, while envy is base and belongs to the base, for the one makes himself get good things by jealousy, while the other does not allow his neighbor to have them through envy."  Sounds like jealousy can be used as a motivator while envy is just stewing in negativity. 
    What I do know is that the feeling of envy makes me feel stingy-hearted.  It has the opposite feel of goodwill.  So, let’s test this realization out with Ex-man . . . yep – part of me wants him to do well, to be financially secure and to be able to be there for the kids.  But if he’s planning on making any wads of cash or falling in love, I hope he has the decency to wait a while.

Margaret Atwood says, "You can only be jealous of someone who has something you think you ought to have yourself." Are there certain jealousy triggers for you?  In the spirit of Aristotle, can you use those triggers to help you move towards getting those good things for yourself?