A Malignant Glass of Wine

322 Marbles
Every human being has... an attendant spirit.... If it does not always tell us what to do, it always cautions us what not to do.  
Lydia M. Child

    So I called the dude from the restaurant (5 marbles ago) and left a message on his phone.  My intent was to show him that while I appreciated his gesture, I recently left a relationship and wasn’t inclined to even a benign glass of wine. Case closed. 
    Not quite.  He called back and left a message for me.  While he understood where I was, if I ever changed my mind down the road and felt comfortable to give him a call, he’d be more than happy to take me out.   
    He sounded sweet and sincere, but this is where the benign turns malignant.  First, my body kicks in (my body isn’t convinced about this whole celibacy experiment).  I enjoy sex – I’ll admit it, though I’m not good at sex without a connection.   And what if I’m not just celibate for one year?  What if it’s eight years?  Or twenty?  Sometimes you get started on these things and it’s difficult to stop - I’m not getting any younger.  Is there an expiry date on a sex life?
    Then my mind plays tricks on me.  What if I’m passing up an amazing opportunity?  What if he turned out to be an awesome guy and we were super compatible?  Thankfully my inner cynic kicks in before the term “soul mate” gets thrown around.
   There’s a strong part of me that wants to phone back to see – an exploration mission of sorts – you just never know.  But I have to be harsh with myself.  I’m a relationship-oholic and I know the phone call is my bottle.  The only relationships I need to cultivate now are with me, my kids, and of course Dana (my androgynous shower massage;) 

Check in with your "attendant spirit" when you're making decisions about what to do. If it were up to my ego here, I would have definitely gone out with the flattering dude from the restaurant.  It would have been an awesome balm for my wounded post-breakup ego.  Thankfully, not all decisions have to be ego based.