Musical Friends

336 Marbles 
If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.
Richard Bach

    A breakup can sometimes bring to mind a nasty game of musical chairs.  The music is playing along and then it stops- abruptly- and while everyone grabs a seat, the breakup survivor is left standing: The cheese stands alone (yep, I know I’m mixing two childhood nursery games here).
    There’s always some re-adjustment with friends and family after a breakup.  In my experience, there are friends who socialized with Ex-man and me as a couple, who can’t seem to make the transition to connecting with me as a separate entity.  There are his friends, who after over a dozen years, became my friends but more like library-style-friends because now it seems that I have to return them (turns out they were only borrowed).  Thus, the breakup becomes a multi-edged sword as the loss is felt not only with Ex-man, but with my whole social circle, including Ex-man’s family.  
    Today, I received an email from one of Ex-man’s family saying that she hoped I was doing well and that she wanted to maintain connection.  The email brought me great comfort because I really miss her and her daughter.  The rest of his family has remained ominously silent but it's to be expected;  They're Irish Loyalists.     
    The good news is, my friends are making themselves apparent – calls to check in, dropping by work to connect - an emotional safety net for me and my kids.  One friendship, however, I’ve declared  a “short-burning-star” as its lifespan seems complete.  The timing is lousy as the Super Nova of Ex-man and me has just imploded, but it’s okay to release this friend as I don’t want to be on anyone’s “have to do” list.  
…
    Ironically, my short-burning-star just called me.  Apparently she’s not ready for release and maybe I'm too raw to make these kinds of decisions right now.  Perhaps the whole game of musical chairs is just an illusion and there are enough chairs for everyone.  But what I do know is that true friendship doesn't have to be proven.  It just is. When I look around me, I see my friends - the cheese isn't alone after all.  

Okay, so it's lousy but breakups do generally involve losing more than just the person with whom you had the romantic attachment.   Think of the wash-aways as detritus: Loose fragments or grains that have been worn away from rock.  The good news is that you are the rock!  Can you surrender to the effluence and allow for the inflow of connections that will support your new life?