72 Marbles
I liked to think that Bonnie was you, a little girl again, before the war, and poverty had done things to you. She was so like you, and I could pet her, and spoil her, as I wanted to spoil you. But when she went, she took everything.
Rhett Butler, “Gone With the Wind”
Fortuitously, I had one of my four massages a year scheduled today. My massage therapist helped work out some of my kinks from yesterday’s challenging run. As she was finishing up with me, she moved to my neck. I always hold my tension in my neck and shoulders and as she was tenderizing me, I started talking about Ex-man. I wasn’t talking negatively about him, but she noted that every time she works on my neck, I talk about him. She said, “It’s like you hold him in your neck.” Hmmm, that might explain all the tension. Could it be that Ex-man is literally the pain in my neck?
Louise Hay says, “I’ve learned over time that the underlying issue for almost all dis-ease is anger and resentment. And love and forgiveness is the healer.” Do I still have anger and resentment towards Ex-man? Ugh. Probably. So Hay suggests this little exercise for people who have anger towards their parents (perhaps I can use it with Ex-man). She suggests putting our parents in our hearts as small children, imaging how they were born as babies, pure and innocent, and realizing that what happened on earth made them into the people that may have been mean to us. In her words, “Something happened there- and if we can go back to that place and forgive them and realize that they need love and they need healing too, it works wonders. And it doesn’t mean that we condone their behavior later on- I mean if the behavior was not good- but the reasons of how they got there is very important to understand.”
Huh, maybe next time when Ex-man gets into one of his stubborn places that makes me feel like he doesn’t understand the first thing about what it means to work together on raising our kids, I’ll imagine him as the little toddler that he was, in foster care, with no real family (like Rhett would imagine Scarlett before all of life’s tribulations took their toll on her). I’ll take a breath and understand that Ex-man's not being able to work together is probably built on his foundation of feeling that he was alone. It does feel like a softer place, one that doesn’t have to turn him into a pain in the neck.
Can you imagine your ex as a small child? Does that open up a softer place in your heart for forgiveness? Can you imagine yourself as a small child before all your life experiences? Does that allow you to forgive yourself?
Rhett Butler, “Gone With the Wind”
Fortuitously, I had one of my four massages a year scheduled today. My massage therapist helped work out some of my kinks from yesterday’s challenging run. As she was finishing up with me, she moved to my neck. I always hold my tension in my neck and shoulders and as she was tenderizing me, I started talking about Ex-man. I wasn’t talking negatively about him, but she noted that every time she works on my neck, I talk about him. She said, “It’s like you hold him in your neck.” Hmmm, that might explain all the tension. Could it be that Ex-man is literally the pain in my neck?
Louise Hay says, “I’ve learned over time that the underlying issue for almost all dis-ease is anger and resentment. And love and forgiveness is the healer.” Do I still have anger and resentment towards Ex-man? Ugh. Probably. So Hay suggests this little exercise for people who have anger towards their parents (perhaps I can use it with Ex-man). She suggests putting our parents in our hearts as small children, imaging how they were born as babies, pure and innocent, and realizing that what happened on earth made them into the people that may have been mean to us. In her words, “Something happened there- and if we can go back to that place and forgive them and realize that they need love and they need healing too, it works wonders. And it doesn’t mean that we condone their behavior later on- I mean if the behavior was not good- but the reasons of how they got there is very important to understand.”
Huh, maybe next time when Ex-man gets into one of his stubborn places that makes me feel like he doesn’t understand the first thing about what it means to work together on raising our kids, I’ll imagine him as the little toddler that he was, in foster care, with no real family (like Rhett would imagine Scarlett before all of life’s tribulations took their toll on her). I’ll take a breath and understand that Ex-man's not being able to work together is probably built on his foundation of feeling that he was alone. It does feel like a softer place, one that doesn’t have to turn him into a pain in the neck.
Can you imagine your ex as a small child? Does that open up a softer place in your heart for forgiveness? Can you imagine yourself as a small child before all your life experiences? Does that allow you to forgive yourself?
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