Blackout

48 Marbles 

    I wake up in the middle of the night to a blackout.  I don’t have a candle or a flashlight handy but my cell phone tells me it’s just after 4 am.  I call dude to tell him that I love him for his cleverness, generosity, and sense of humor. He shared himself with me at a time when I needed those attributes. He also taught me to have fun without feeling guilty for it.  I accept who he is, and I don’t want him to change but I also know that who he is means that we won’t have a future together.  This is discernment, but for now I put aside the third act and decide to live in the moment.
    Is it really okay to have a wonderful time with the wrong guy while you’re waiting to meet the right guy? I’ve never made that choice before. I’ve always dated “good guys” and even though it didn’t work out with Ex-man and me, he was still a good person - we were just a bad combination. 
    I do have the feeling that I’m trying to see my way through the dark so maybe the blackout wasn’t a coincidence. I said dude taught me to have fun without feeling guilty for it, but I do feel guilty. I feel guilty that I called him when he has a woman there visiting him and while he assures me that she is not his girlfriend (more a friend with benefits), I know that I’m not giving her space. And the fact that I don't feel a bit of jealousy is probably telling. 
    So why don’t I just let it be a fun travel tryst and leave it in the past? I know that my story with dude isn’t quite done. In the meantime, I'll do exactly what I did in the middle of the night - sit tight and wait for the power to go back on.  

Do you ever have blackout moments when you can't see? Can you wait out the blackout, knowing that clarity will come?